Clip of the Week

What's a Nice Girl Like You Doing in a Place Like This?

This is another of Scorsese's student films. Check it out:



- Jordan M.
Commerce, TX

Top Ten List of the Week

Top Ten "Comic Book" Movies

Ah, comic books and movies. Two things I love. But, sadly, the marriage between the two usually results in a dismal failure. But, today we are counting down the top ten best movies based on comics. This doesn't necessarily mean the best (as in, most accurate) adaptation, but the pictures that had comic books as source material that turned out the best:

10. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

9. Sin City

8. The Crow

7. Spider-Man

6. Superman: The Movie

5. Road to Perdition

4. X2: X-Men United

3. Ghost World

2. A History of Violence

1. Batman

- Jordan M.
Commerce, TX

Clip of the Week

John Rambo

Sure to get your adrenaline pumpin' and your testosterone flowin', here's a little bit from the latest installment in the Rambo series.



- Jordan M.
Commerce, TX

Clip of the Week

Jack Kirby Interview

This is an interview from an OOP doco about the late, great Jack Kirby. Please, only watch if you fall into the category of "complete nerd", otherwise you may blackout.



- Jordan M.
Commerce, TX

Top Ten List

Top Ten Canadians

Yeah, that's right. Those crazy Canucks get a lot of crap, but there are some good ones, too! Let's take a look.

10. Ivan Reitman - Director of Ghost Busters, Stripes, and...umm...Kindergarten Cop!

9. Guy Maddin - Director of The Saddest Music in the World

8. Frederick Banting - He discovered insulin!

7. Leonard Cohen - Singer/Songwriter

6. Wayne Gretzky - The Great One

5. Phil Hartman - He is sorely missed

4. Ferguson Jenkins - Hall of Fame pitcher

3. Neil Young - Singer/Songwriter best known for being better than you

2. Wolverine - Weapon X

1. David Cronenberg - Director of The Brood, A History of Violence, and Videodrome

Sorry, Corey Hart just didn't make the cut.

- Jordan M.
Commerce, TX

Happy Halloween

Well, children of the night, it's finally here. And here's a special Halloween video for ya:



- Mad Jordan M.
Hell

Top 15 List of the Week

Top Fifteen Horror-Themed Video Games

That's right, since we're so close to Halloween, this week we are looking at the top fifteen horrific video games, which there just aren't enough of. Games that make your fresh crawl and your skin prickle. Those are my favorite. So, let's take a look:


15. Evil Dead: Regeneration (Xbox/PS2) - By all counts, this game is just above mediocre. However, the inclusion of the wonderful voice acting of Bruce "Don't Call Me Ash" Campbell and Ted "I'm Sam's Brother" Raimi make it well worth playing. Of course, you play as Ash battling through a world that is now inhabited by deadites. Sure, the story is ultimately forgettable, but the one-liners are great.

14. The Thing (PS/Xbox) - A sequel to the John Carpenter movie of the same name (see top ten aliens), The Thing is a pretty sweet game that could use a graphical update for next-gen platforms. Basically, you've swooped in a few hours after McReady and his crew have had it out with the thing, and your trying to piece it together. A cool idea, to be sure, the controls are a little clunky, but it's so cinematic.

13. The Haunting Starring Polterguy (Genesis) - A funny game published by EA in 1993, in The Haunting you play as Polterguy, a poltergeist dead set on getting people out of his house. You do this by taking control of various household items like toilets and beds and scaring the beegeezus out of the humans.

12. Night Trap (Sega CD) - True, the game is only as good as FMV games can be, which has its limits. In the game, you're monitoring multiple security cameras and trying to keep 5 young ladies at a slumber party safe from a vampiric horde that would do them in. Of course, this (along with Mortal Kombat) was the big game that got the ESRB ball rolling, and it really is the best of the FMV games that came out on the Sega CD.

11. Stubbs the Zombie (Xbox) - This is a rather odd game that came out two years ago for Microsoft's big black box. It's one of the few zombie games to actually let you play as the zombie. You're Stubbs, a travelling salesman that was murdered and has come back to life to take his revenge in the 1950's. It's played for laughs, and will definitely elicit a few chuckles.

10. Zombies Ate My Neighbors (Genesis/SNES) - Another of the more comical games on the list, this LucasArts game features two player gameplay in which you (and a friend) are responsible for saving the neighborhood from...zombies! Zoinks! You use your watergun (and an array of other assorted "weapons) to destroy the monsters. It was a ton of fun, no lie.

9. Call of Cthulhu: Dark Corners of the Earth (Xbox) - If you're into horror literature, or are a Lovecraft fan, this is one of the best games you've never heard of. It's an amalgamation of a few different Lovecraft stories that play out very cinematically. The gameplay does leave something to be desired, but the story keeps you playing.

8. Alone in the Dark series (PC) - The true first 3D survival horror series, Alone in the Dark draws its inspiration from none other than Howard Phillips Lovecraft (see #9). A creepy series on all counts, you play as detective Edward Carnby (in the original trilogy) investigating the supernatural.

7. Quake Series (PC) - Upping the ante of 3D-gaming, Quake was id's next big game after the Doom series. In Quake, you're a marine travelling through dimensions to battle demonic foes. The subsequent volumes don't follow the original storyline, however. Anyway, everyone knows how revolutionary this game was and it was pretty creepy to boot!

6. Silent Hill Series (Multi-platform) - Taking place in the creepy little town of Silent Hill that makes Twin Peaks look like a nice place to retire, this series probably uses atmosphere better than any on this list. It's an interesting story with well developed characters. I've only played the first three, and I definitely recommend those.

5. BioShock (Xbox 360) - The newest game on the list, BioShock doesn't fit as snugly into the horror genre as a lot of the games on here, but it is creepy as hell. Not only that, the story is amazing, the graphics are beautiful, and the gameplay is more than solid . A great game, BioShock is set in a dystopian 1960 in an underwater city called Rapture.

4. Doom Series (PC) - In 1993, id Software changed the face of gaming forever. Doom wasn't the first first-person shooter, but it certainly brought the genre to the forefront. I remember playing this one as a kid, and being floored by how great the graphics were and how awesome the guns were! And Doom II just got better.

3. Castlevania Series (Multi-platform) - Allowing young kids to kill vampires and ghouls since the mid-eighties, the Castelvania series is absolutely amazing. The series follow the Belmont family as they have to kill Dracula over and over again, and, for my money, there just aren't many better platformers on the market. You all know Castlevania and you love it. We can even forgive those N64 3D versions.

2. Dead Rising (Xbox 360) - Number seven on my top 15 Video Games, Dead Rising combines elements from Resident Evil with those of the GTA series to give you a free-roaming, zombie-whuppin', awesome game. Blood and guts galore, you play out a Dawn of the Dead scenario in which your stuck in a mall infested by...the undead! Dead Rising is a wonderful game, and I recommend you pick it up ASAP. If they could make this into a wonderful series, it might one day usurp the throne of numero uno on the list, which is...

1. Resident Evil Series (Multi-platform) - What can I say about Resident Evil? It is the ultimate in survival horror. There are no games that have done it better than this series. You kill zombies that have been created by the Umbrella Corporation. With guns. There's no need for more explanation.

Honorable mentions go to Ghost N Goblins and Splatter House 2.
I do regret to say that I've never played the Clock Tower series.

And, if you're bored at work, you might want to check this one out: Endless Zombie Rampage.


- Jordamn Monster
No Commercy, TX

Clip of the Week

Alice Cooper - He's Back (The Man Behind the Mask)

Today we have yet another Jason clip. This one also happens to feature the radical Alice Cooper as well. It's the video for his song He's Back (The Man Behind the Mask) which was on the soundtrack for Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives. Watch, if you dare!



- Jordacula M.
Commurder, TX

Top Ten List of the Week

Top Ten Forgotten Toys of My Childhood


In some of these cases, forgotten may be the wrong word. Let's say, less well remembered. So, these are the top ten less remembered toys of my childhood. Not the GI Joes or the Transformers. These are the toys that will eventually be lost to obscurity (if they aren't already).

1. Rambo

2. M.U.S.C.L.E.S.

3. COPS

4. Potato Head Kids - These little guys were basically mini-Mr. Potato Heads that came from their eponymous cartoon. I had a ton of them, and specifically remember the kid in the red hat named spud.

5. Creepy Crawlers

6. Bionic Six

7.Visionaries - The Visionaries are yet another group of action figures that were based on a cartoon show.

8. Inhumanoids - Tendril - Now, this is the anomaly of the list as I never actually had this toy. I did, however, always want this toy. Tendril was one of the titular characters of the show Inhumanoids. I didn't know it at the time, but it's easy to see now that his design was directly influenced by the stories of the great H.P. Lovecraft!

9. McDonald's Muppet Babies Toys - So, these aren't your standard toys, but I happened to love them.

10. Madballs - They have actually re-released Madballs! I found one for my nephew last year for Christmas. I was thrilled, but I don't know about him. Anyway, these were just little baseball sized balls made out of foam that were supposed to be completely disgusting. One of them was a skull, one a cyclops, and all were oozing some kind of green or yellow pus from one of their sockets. It seems like a lot of toys from the eighties were interested in a high "gross out" factor, remember Garbage Pail Kids?

- Jordan M.
Commerce, TX

Top Ten List of the Week

Top Ten Slasher Films

Well, it is October. A month of frights and chills and witches and crap (and amazing baseball). As such, our top ten list this week is going to reflect that. It is difficult to determine what actually makes a slasher a slasher, but I went with my (blood and) guts on it. So, here I give you, dreadful readers, the top ten slasher movies of all time:


10. Sleepaway Camp (1983) - Let's just say this one may have the...oddest...ending of the lot (think The Crying Game, if you must) and is really just a rehash of all the old tropes found in the Friday the 13th series, and, really, any other of the countless generic slasher films of the eighties. If you ask me, though, this one is fun enough to make the cut.

9. The Prowler (1981) - Featuring the effects of Tom Savini, The Prowler is an oft unheralded little gem. Features some pretty great grue, but the story is pretty trite (what do you expect?).

8. The Slumber Party Massacre (1982) - The sequels may have been played for laughs, but the original is pretty straight. Now, there's a really interesting story behind that, as the original script was written by well known feminist Rita Mae Brown as a parody on the slasher genre. She wasn't involved in the rewrites, and it basically became the very thing she'd been trying to parody! Watch the trailer.

7. Friday the 13th Part 2 (1981) - The first F13 to predominantly feature Jason, this is the one that I prefer from the series. While it wasn't innovative, it really did set the stage for the big-bang of slasher films in the eighties.

6. Bay of Blood (1971)- Considered by many to be the "first" slasher, the Italian master Mario Bava brings us the story of a bunch of money hungry people killing each other off in order to gain access to an inheritance.

5. Hellraiser (1987)- This one I had trouble really pegging as a "slasher", but ended up including it on the basis that if you disregard the sacrilege, it really is a story, not unlike the F13 movies, of surviving against a seemingly unstoppable foe. Plus there's all of that S&M stuff in there for you freaks.

4. A Nightmare on Elm St. (1984) - From the man that helped launch the rebirth of the revenge film, we get a decidedly different type of slasher. Of course, the big twist in ANoES is that the antagonist can only get you in your dreams. And, let's be honest, before and after they played him for laughs Freddy was just cool as hell. Does anyone else remember the DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince song "Nightmare on My Street"? It was awesome.

3. Psycho (1960) - This is another one of those that often claims the mantle of first slasher. I don't really have to explain the plot I'm sure, as it is one of Hitch's best known works. I do, however, have to state that I was torn at the inclusion of this one as well. Don't get me wrong, it's a fantastic movie, but is it a slasher? I came to the conclusion that it is. What do you think?

2. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974) - This is another that's hard to pigeon-hole into the slasher category, but it ostensibly fits the trope. A brilliant film on all counts, and certainly Hooper's masterpiece, TCM is an outright scary picture. Amazingly, the film features very little blood, but people always swear that it's one of the goriest films they've ever seen.

1. Halloween (1978) - Forget that atrocious remake, this is the real get-your-frills-deal. This is John Carpenter's master work, and my personal favorite horror film of all time (heck, it's one of my favorite films of all time!). And even though it's not the first, it is definitely the one that got the ball rolling on the entire slasher genre.

I do have to (regretfully) add that I have yet to see The Burning. So, it's obviously not on the list.

- Jordanstein M. for Murder
Commercelvania, TX

Clip of the Week

Fair to Midland - Upgrade^Brigade

This is something that I shot from the side of the stage at Curtain Club way back in 2003. It's the Fair to Midlands performing Upgrade^Brigade. There's not a lot to it, just one continuous shot, as it was only one of three cameras that were rolling that night. Enjoy.

Clip of the Week

Jason On Arsenio!

That's right, everyone's favorite hockeymask-wearin', machette-totin' killer once made an appearance on The Arsenio Hall Show! And we've got the clip, just in time for Halloween...



Look for Jason's return to primetime on the CW show Supernatural, in which he'll appear as a foe for the main characters to tangle with!

- Jordan M.
Commerce, TX

Top Ten List of the Week

Top Ten Aliens

10. MAC (Mac and Me) - MAC stands for Mysterious Alien Creature. It's similar to how E.T. stands for Extra-Terrestrial. Wait a second, this whole thing stinks of E.T.! I've been had! Oh well. Go check out Mac and Me. And how could you forget the wheelchair scene?

9. The Arbiter (Halo 2 and 3) - Voiced by none other than Keith David (They Live), the Arbiter adds a very interesting twist to the Halo saga. He's a Covenant Elite that has turned Benedict Arnold on his species. He becomes so integral to the story in part 2, that you have to play through some of the final levels as the Arbiter himself.

8. The Blob (The Blob) - The Blob is the gelatinous creature from the film of the same name. It was a faceless, featureless creature that did nothing but devour. Surely there is a metaphor in there somewhere, but I'm not willing to look for it.

7. The Visitors (V) - The creatures from the mini-series (and subsequent TV series) V were lizard-like beings that masked themselves to look like normal human beings (devious lizards!). The whole thing was a thinly-veiled "re-imagining" of the rise of the Nazis. And, if there's one thing that spells quality TV, it's re-imagining the rise of the Nazis.

6. The Mutant (This Island Earth) - MST3K aside, This Island Earth is a pretty decent little Sci-Fi picture. I can only imagine how shocking this mutant beast of Metaluna must've looked in 1955. Well, now that I think about it, it probably still looked like a dude in a foam suit.

5. Rancor Monster (Return of the Jedi) - This is the beast that lived under Jabba's palace. He was a big, mean bastard. From what I've read in the Star Wars Dictionary, it was also the last of its kind (maybe that's why the bald dude with the man-tits cries when he dies).

4. Xenomorphs (Alien series) - Xenomorphs are the titular aliens from Alien, Aliens, Alien 3, and Alien: Ressurection (yes, I'm aware they have appeared in another film, but we won't concern ourselves with that one). These things bleed acid and want to kill you. Developed by HR Giger, these Aliens have to be the absolute scariest ever put to celluloid. But, don't worry. They mostly come out at night. Mostly.

3. The Thing (The Thing) - I don't even know what this alien looks like, but I know it's kickass. The Thing (from the Carpenter remake of The Thing From Another World) is a parasitic creature that takes over its host and seems to be able to multiply at an alarming rate. If you've never seen The Thing, you are missing out on one of the top ten movies of the eighties. But, if you don't want to watch the real one (too squeamish?), check out the Lego version.

2. Superman (any incarnation) - Yeah. You might've forgot, but Superman is a gall-derned alien.

1. The Predator (Predator series) - Apparently Predators have been around for a long time (from evidence in Predator 2, Glover's finest work) and are just gonna keep coming back. But, what about that sweet ending when Dutch actually has to go one on one with the predator?

- Jordan M.
Commerce, TX

Clip of the Week

AVGN Gets Massacred!




- Jordan M.
Commerce, TX

An Update on My Life

What Is Jordan M. Doing?

Well, it's been a little while since last I've updated you, my loyal readers, on what's been going on in my world. Oh, I don't mean things like graduate school or job worries or anything as trivial as that. I mean, the important stuff. What I'm watching, playing, that kind of thing. So, here it is in a nutshell:


Currently Watching (Film):

Well, the latest theatrical picture I watched was Peter Berg's The Kingdom. It was a pretty decent picture with a lof of sheen and polish that pretty well rode the fence as it comes to the political line in was walking. Is that a bad thing? Not sure. I think Berg pulled it off and it worked well. 6.5/10

On DVD, I'm currently giving Alpha Dog and Oldboy another watch. About to start watching some horror for October. Last year, I did a "gauntlet" in which I watched 31 movies in the month of October. Not gonna be able to do that this year, but I've got a few on my plate. A few of the discs I'm eyeing: The Dead Zone, Zombi 2, Graveyard Shift, Cemetery Man, and Carrie. A good list!

Currently Watching (Television):

Playoff baseball. With my adopted team, the Cubs, being out, I'm rooting Rockies or Red Sox. Just glad the Tribe was able to drop the hammer on those pesky Yankees.

Currently Watching (Television on DVD):

The lady and I are currently smack dab in the middle of the full run of the original Kolchak: The Night Stalker series. And, oh is it some delicious, campy fun. Darren McGavin (rest in peace) is my hero.

Currently Listening To:

I've been listening to a lot of Billy Joel lately. Mainly the (consecutive) albums 52nd Street and Glass Houses. I also picked up the latest Kanye West, which is his weakest effort but still worth giving a listen every once and again.

Currently Reading:

Just started reading Thomas Pynchon's The Crying of Lot 49. Is he Joyce? Maybe not. But he is hella good. I'm also reading on the original Punisher mini-series and I just finished Batman/Dracula: Red Rain (a pretty interesting Else World story).

Currently Playing (Video Games):

Halo 3. I'm on live. Gamertag = TheWarfreak.


Currently Looking Forward To:

A quick release list of some great upcoming stuff looks like this:

Oct. 16 - Grand Theft Auto IV (Xbox 360)
Oct. 19 - Margot at the Wedding (Theatrical - Limited)
Oct. 23 - Breathless: Criterion Collection (DVD)
Nov. 21 - No Country for Old Men (Theatrical - Wide)
Dec. 21 - Be Kind Rewind (Theatrical - Limited)


- Jordan M.
Commerce, TX

Clip of the Week

Super Mario Bros. Show Intro

A little late on the CotW, but here it is.

Do you remember the Super Mario Bros. Super Show? With Captain Lou Albano as Mario? Well, if you don't, you missed out.




- Jordan M.
Commerce, TX

Clip of the Week

Halo: Combat Devolved

In honor of the release of Halo 3, I bring a sneak preview of the upcoming Halo 4 (and 5, and 6, etc. etc.).



- Jordan M.
Commerce, TX

Top Ten List of the Week

Top Ten Ninjas



Ninjas. You know that they're kick ass. If you grew up in the eighties and early ninties, you can remember how much the lads and lasses of that time period were bombarded by those stealthy, clandestine killers. They were all over the place. In movies, video games, cartoons, comic books, everywhere you looked. It's no wonder that to all the twenty-something nerds today still have a soft spot in their hearts (including yours truly) for those lovable assassins, the ninja. Here it is, the top ten ninjas...ever!

"My friend, a ninja doesn't kill. He eliminates and only for defensive purposes." - Enter the Ninja

10. Tum-Tum - Probably the greatest ninja to ever live, Tum-Tum was one of the stars of the 3 Ninjas movies. He was so funny, because he loved to eat. And, as we all know, little fat kids doing karate is funny. And, check it out, the little bastard has a MySpace! Awesome.

9. Rikimaru - Rikimaru is one of two playable characters in Tenchu: Stealth Assasins for the Playstation. I absolutely loved this grue-filled and ultra-violent game! The whole point of the game is to sneak up behind unwitting dudes and slit their throats with a kitana! Sign me up!

8. Joe Armstrong - Played by Michael Dudikoff (really, Dudikoff!), Joe Armstron is the protagonist of the American Ninja. And if you want cheesy, eighties Americanized ninja action, look no further! This stuff is gold, and Joe will beat you senseless.

7. Haru - The Great White Ninja as played by none other than the late Chris Farley in the 1997 movie Beverly Hills Ninja. Sure, you might want to argue over the merits of the movie itself, but you'll get no argument from me. I know the movie is bad, but Farley was the king of physical comedy and he pushes it hard in Beverly Hills Ninja. Put him on screen, and he will induce laughter. He may not be a great ninja; he may not be one with the universe; but he will say this: NO ONE MESSES WITH HIS BROTHER.



6. Sub-Zero - No, not the stalker from The Running Man, this Sub-Zero is the icy cold ninja from the Mortal Kombat series. The wikipedia article on him says he's not a ninja because he's Chinese. What do they know? Nothing. That's what. Sub-Zero is a bad man. And if you don't think so, he'll rip your head off!

5. Joe Musashi - The protagonist, and titular character of Sega's Shinobi series, Joe Musashi was a "weak boy who first entered the dojo of the Oboro clan at a young age and gradually, through tireless practice and meditation, worked himself up to become the most skilled and respected ninja of his clan." Plus, what about those throwing star stages? Suh-weet. Never beat the game? Well, here's the FINAL STAGE for your viewing pleasure.


4. Oruku Saki - Better known as The Shredder, Oruku Saki terrorizes the Ninja Turtles with his sharp, metal claws and expert martial arts techniques. Of course, one wonders if he would be considered as menacing if Eastman and Laird had used the name for him that they originally wanted to, Grate Man. Fuh'real.

3. Storm Shadow - The Arashikage ninja Storm Shadow is used as an assassin for the Cobra organization (and as Cobra Commander's personal bodyguard). He's Cobra's version of the Joe's Snake Eyes (with less of a conscience!).

2. Ryu Hayabusa - Star of the wonderful Ninja Gaiden games, Ryu is as deadly a man as ever there has been. Seriously, have you played Ninja Gaiden on the Xbox? He can kill everything in the world! It is rare that an entire series of games is good. I mean the whole run. Even Zelda had Zelda 2 that was kind of lack-luster. But every Ninja Gaiden game is awesome.

1. Snake Eyes - Achieving the rank of U.S. Army Sergeant First Class (E-7), Snake Eyes is the single coolest member of GI Joe. He is an expert with the ninjato, in multiple martial arts, with small arms, and explosives. He was also a member of the clan on ninjas known as the Arashikage. You don't wanna bump with
them.

UPDATE: Actually, maybe THIS GUY should have made the list...

- Jordan M.
Commerce, TX

Clip of the Week

Jan Svankmajer Short Film

This is the 1966 short film Et Cetera by Czech film-maker Jan Svankmajer. Watch and be amazed.



- Jordan M.
Commerce, TX

Top Fifteen List of the Week

Top Fifteen Video Games of All-Time

I've been gaming (seriously, that's what people call it) since I was probably three years old. Over the years, I've had a ton of systems: an Atari 2600, an Atari 5200, an NES, a Super NES, a Sega Genesis, a Sega 32X, a Sega CD, a Sony Playstation, a N64, a Sega Dreamcast, an Atari Jaguar, a Playstation 2, an Xbox, and an Xbox 360. I feel that I'm qualified enough to make a list like this. But I have to warn you, I never was big on RPGs so don't let the absence of Final Fantasy or Breath of Fire or freaking Japanese games that have the words Dragon or Dragoon in them surprise you. Here's my list of my personal favorite 15 video games of all time:

15. Mortal Kombat II (Genesis) - I played this game all the time when I was a kid. It really pushed that M rating, harder than its predecessor. It was a lot of fun and had a lot more characters than the first one as well. Download the ROM

14. The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time (N64) - One of the few RPGs your going to see on my list, this game was awesome. It was the first time a console had seen Link in years, and he didn't disappoint.

13. Super Mario 64 (N64) - This was the hot ap for the N64 when it came out. A launch game, Super Mario 64 really showed what this new system had to offer by giving us huge environments in full 3D!

12. Tekken 3 (Playstation) - This is my absolute favorite fighting game of all time. Now every time I play a fighting game, they are all compared to the first time I ever played Tekken 3. Nothing ever stacks up.

11. Grand Theft Auto 3 (Playstation) - Controversial and so much damn fun, GTA 3 was a revolution in gaming. The first really big "sandbox" game, it proved that killing cops and stealing cars could be tons of fun.

10. Super Mario World (SNES) - It took Super Mario Bros. 3, and made it better. That's a feat, because part 3 was awesome.

9. WarCraft II (PC) - One of the first games I ever played over the internet, WarCraft II is also one of my all time favorties. I used to be really into RTS games, but nothing was ever as fun to me as WarCraft II. My friend Jim (who lived like 5 houses down) and I would hook up to our 28.8 connections and try to play this puppy about every other day.

8. Resident Evil 2 (Playstation) - The first one was great, but Resident Evil 2 really took it took the next level. We got a lot more of the (really interesting) story and the gameplay really came into its own. RE2 was just so much fun (and remained scary!).

7. Dead Rising (Xbox 360) - Boy, oh boy. The second (and final) zombie-themed game on the list, Dead Rising basically puts you smack dab in the middle of Dawn of the Dead and sets you loose. The game is actually a mixture of Resident Evil and Grand Theft Auto, giving you free reign over a character in a large environment and giving you the ability to kill zombies with anything and everything.

6. Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic (Xbox) - Ah. I can remember a solid week when I was supposed to be going to school at UNT, and instead I was sitting like a zombie, glued to my xbox playing KOTOR. There is no better idea than giving you an action-packed RPG in which you are a jedi choosing the light or dark side. If Dead Rising was a fanboy's dream, KOTOR is his wet dream.


5. The Legend of Zelda (NES) - It's the Legend of Zelda and it's really rad. It's been 20 years (literally, the game came out in 1987) and this is still one of my favorite games ever made. It came in that really cool gold cartridge, and if you beat it you could play it again backwards and all of that other innovative stuff.

4. Halo 2 (Xbox) - For all intents and purposes, the gameplay and graphics were both improved upon for the sequel to Halo. It was an amazing game that (natch) had great multiplayer and was incredibly fun to play. It didn't have quite the same oomph that the first one had however, and that's what bumps it down to number 4 on our list.

3. Tetris (Any Platform) - Tetris may be the only game that I will never get tired of. It's great to have on your cell phone or on the xbox or whereever to can get it. I could play it for hours on end (in fact, I have!) and just keep wanting to play it.

2. Goldenye (N64) - The second greatest shooter ever. In 1997, I would've have sworn that Goldeneye would always be #1. I couldn't get enough of this game. My friends and I played it all the time, hosting mini-tournaments and everything. My brother and I used to bet baseball cards on it. The game was like crack.

1. Halo (Xbox) - What Goldeneye was when I was in middle school, Halo was when I was in high school. It was Goldeneye cranked up to 11. My senior year (and the subsequent year as well) where both so completely dominated by Halo that my graduation party was just a bunch of linked up Xboxes that we used for some 16 player action.


Honorable Mentions:
X-Men (Arcade)
Dune 2 (PC)
Warlords (Atari)
Rampart (Arcade)
Rock N Roll Racing (Genesis)
Age of Empires (PC)
Ateroids (Arcade)
Mario Kart 64 (N64)
Mike Tyson's Punch-Out (NES)
Super Mario Bros 3 (NES)
Sonic 2 (Genesis)
Road Rash II (Genesis)
Perfect Dark (N64)

Of course, THIS and THIS might actually be the two greatest games ever.

- Jordan M.
Commerce, TX

Clip of the Week

Violent Cinema

Well, since I'm feeling a little lazy and I don't want to look around for any clips, I'm just gonna post one of mine. This a short film that I shot last summer. Here it is:




- Jordan M.
Commerce, TX

Top Twenty List of the Week

NOTE: For the purpose of this list, The Evil Dead and its sequels are not zombie movies. The term zombie implies the re-animation of a corpse. There could be an argument made that Army of Darkness could qualify and that the mother ("witch in the cellar") or dead Linda in part two are zombies, but we'll not list it just the same. Just know that Evil Dead II is one of my all time favorite films.

I should note that Slither, Night of the Creeps and Shivers aren't on the list for the same reason.

20. The Serpent and the Rainbow

Director: Wes Craven
Year: 1988
Country: USA

This is Craven's (Nightmare on Elm Street, Scream) only entry into zombiedom and it's not entirely bad! Alright, I'm not the biggest fan of the film (or Craven for that matter), but it has its redeeming qualities. It's based on the book of the same name by Wade Davis, in which he chronicles his supposed real life escapades in the world of voodoo zombies in Haiti. Bill Pullman plays the role of the author and delivers a solid performance.

I know, I set the ground rules as only "re-animated dead" and I'm kind of fudging them here, but, it's my list, dammit.

A SCENE FROM THE FILM


19. Undead

Director: Michael and Peter Spierig
Year: 2003
Country: Australia

It's a fun, sci-fi zombie movie that comes from Australia of all places. It's got gore, naked aliens, and a gun-totin' badass. Not gonna find much in the way of depth here, but it's fun. Keep an eye out for the Evil Dead references.


18. Dead Alive (AKA: Braindead)

Director: Peter Jackson
Year: 1992
Country: New Zealand

I've never been the biggest Peter Jackson (Lord of the Rings) fan, nor have I been a big fan of this particular film. But, I have to admit, it's growing on me. Braindead as it's known world-wide) is a wildly popular cult hit that's best know for its excessive gore. There some pretty good kills here (lawnmower disembowelment, anyone) and is pretty funny.

SCENES FROM THE MOVIE

17. Zombi Holocaust (AKA: Zombie Holocaust, AKA: Dr. Butcher M.D. Medical Deviate)

Director: Marino Girolami
Year: 1980
Country: Italy

Alright, in all honesty, Zombi Holocaust sucks. But it sucks so bad that it's funny. You know the type. I don't know if you'd even call it camp...just crap. But, it does have the great Scottish actor Ian McCulloch in it, and that's pretty much the film's only strength. There's some gore, but it's poorly done, but lower your expectations and it ain't so bad.

TRAILER

16. I Walked with a Zombie

Director: Jacques Tourneur
Year: 1943
Country: USA

An early zombie movie, this is classic Val Lewton. It's about a young nurse who travels to the West Indies and gets just a little more than she bargained for. Like all of the pre-Romero zombie films, this isn't your typical blood soaked, guts ripped out zombie movie, it's *gasp* story-driven. You won't get your kicks here if you cut your teeth on Deodatto and have strictly got a hard on for dismemberment, but, it's really a thoughtful and very atmospheric little piece.

TRAILER


15. Dead & Breakfast

Director: Matthew Leutwyler
Year: 2004
Country: USA

This is the newest film (chronologically) to make the list and it's pretty good. There are a ton of laughs, tons of blood, and a pretty nice soundtrack as well. Think of it is as a less "pop culture" version of Shaun of the Dead. It's still a self-reflexive film, and isn't as well written (or shot, or pretty much anything) as Shaun, but it's pretty solid. A really hot dyke (Portia de Rossi) and David Carradine star.

A SCENE FROM DEAD & BREAKFAST

14. The House by the Cemetery (AKA: Quella villa accanto al cimitero)

Director: Lucio Fulci
Year: 1981
Country: Italy

This is Fulci's first entry on the list (we'll be revisiting him soon enough, he's got four on here) and it's the last film in his "Gates of Hell" trilogy. And nobody but nobody likes this movie. Except me...and I'm a nobody. So, there's no plot and the acting is atrocious. Big deal! The man was a master of atmosphere and that's what this movie is...one big excuse to show some great shots and create an eerie mood, and I like it.

TRAILER

13. White Zombie

Director: Victor Halperin
Year: 1932
Country: USA

White Zombie is a really solid film, but really has to makes the list because it's considered to be the first zombie film. Sure, the zombies don't really follow the rules we know today (the Romero Zombie rules), but come on, this was 36 before NOTLD. And Bela! Bela! Bela! What I wouldn't give to have met Bela Lugosi. He's wonderful. He basically resurrects a bunch of corpses and makes them work in his factory. There's more to it then that, but you get the point. A pretty intense film, and a must-see for any zombi-file.

A SCENE FROM WHITE ZOMBIE

12. Let Sleeping Corpses Lie (AKA: The Living Dead in the Manchester Morgue, AKA: Non si deve profanare il sonno dei morti, Don't Open the Window )

Director: Jorge Grau
Year: 1974
Country: Spain/Italy

Let Sleeping Corpses Lie is pretty much your standard-fare zombie movie. There's a new experimental pesticide being tested out in the British countryside which, unbeknownst to the people spraying it, it is just the right concoction to resurrect the dead and blah blah blah. Yeah, not much new here, but it's surprisingly fun to watch and pretty well done. The tension is palpable in the film and it really draws you in.

TV SPOT

11. Shaun of the Dead

Director: Edgar Wright
Year: 2004
Country: UK/France

A very well done zombie comedy movie (zombedy?) in which the title character (your everyday average Joe, or Shaun as the case may be) has to become a zombie-whuppin' badass. A whole lotta laughs here and some great homage to many other zombie films.

TRAILER



10. City of the Living Dead) (AKA: The Gates of Hell)

Director: Lucio Fulci
Year: 1980
Country: Italy

Ah, City of the Living Dead. Another in a long line of Romero ripoffs, but a pretty good one. It's the first in Fulci's "Gates of Hell" trilogy and it involves a curse and all that standard Fulci stuff, but once again, the best part is the atmosphere. Well, that and the gore is really good. I mean, there's a chick that throws up her entrails! A lot of people seem to hate this one, too. I don't get that. I dig it.

ITALIAN TRAILIER

9. Dead Heat

Director: Mark Goldblatt
Year: 1988
Country: USA

Dead Heat is awesome. It stars Treat Williams and a jacked-up Joe Piscopo...no, stay with me here, it really is good. Anyway, it's your average buddy cop movie, only problem is one of the cops is dead! AH! Who woulda thunk it? Well, alright, he doesn't start off dead, but he dies pretty quick (in a decompression chamber, no less!) but is shortly thereafter resurrected. Catch is, he's only got a limited amount of time to catch his killer before he completely rots away! It really is a solid action/zombie/comedy. And it co-stars the late great Darren McGavin. Look for the cameo of my personal hero, Vincent EFFING Price.

TRAILER

8. The Beyond (AKA: E tu vivrai nel terrore - L'aldilB)

Director: Lucio Fulci
Year: 1981
Country: Italy

The Beyond is widely considered Fulci's magnum opus. It's got all that atmosphere that's become a Fulci hallmark, plus a little something more. The Beyond is the second in Fulci's "Gates of Hell" trilogy and follows no real linear pattern. In fact, the only reason there are even zombies in the film is becaus Fulci's producers said that they wanted it to capitalize off the zombie phenomenon and so ol' Lucio wrote in some zombies. If you watch, you'll see they are a little out of place. It's a very nihilistic movie about this chick from New York that inherits an old hotel in Louisiana. Only problem is this particular hotel rests atop one of the SEVEN GATEWAYS OF HELL (read that in a rising, Vincent Price type voice). Lovecraft fans, keep a watchful eye out for the Lovecraftian themes that permeate the picture. In my readings for my research paper over the Dark Prince of Providence, I learned that Fulci was a rabid fan of our favorite mama's boy!

TRAILER

7. The Return of the Living Dead

Director: Dan O'Bannon
Year: 1985
Country: USA

Dan O'Bannon (writer of Aliens) was approached by the money-hungry tool John A. Russo to make a sequel to Night of the Living Dead at the same time that George Romero was working on his own sequel (Dawn) to it. Now, Russo was one of the writers on Night, but he and Georgie-boy had different ideas on a sequel and Russo wanted to go ahead and make it himself. O'Bannon read the script, but decided he didn't want to impede Romero so he passed on the script until the early eighties when he re-wrote the script as a comedy and viola! Return of the Living Dead. It's a great and hilarious zombie movie that satires all the precedents set by Romero. Plus it's got Linnea Quigley nekkid!

TRAILER


6. Day of the Dead

Director: George A. Romero
Year: 1985
Country: USA

This is the third film in Romero's Dead trilogy (damn, I guess it's not really a trilogy anymore, is it?). It's a great film that carries on all the classic Romero themes and allegory and probably has the best gore in the series (thank you Greg Nicotero and Tom Savini).

JAPANESE TRAILER

5. Zombi 2 (AKA: Zombie, AKA: Zombie Flesh Eaters)

Director: Lucio Fulci
Year: 1979
Country: Italy

Alright. Zombi 2 has a pretty interesting story. Dawn of the Dead, in 1978, was released in Italy under the title Zombie. Now, Zombie (Dawn) was a smash hit and the Italians began to devise ways to capitalize on this. And what better way to do that than to market a completely unrelated movie as the sequel to Zombie(Dawn)? And that's just what they did. So, Fulci's film became known as Zombi 2. As despicable as that is, Fulci's film is absolutely the best of the many (and usually shitty) Romero rip-offs. It's actually really good. And there's a really great eye-gouging scene.

GERMAN TRAILER



4. Re-Animator

Director: Stuart Gordon
Year: 1985
Country: USA

Stuart Gordon is another big Lovecraft fan. In fact, he's brought four pieces of Lovecraft work to the screen so far, and doesn't seem to want to slow down. Re-Animator is the first and best of these four and stars the amazingly deadpan Jeffery Combs as the devious med student who takes it upon himself to devise a way to resurrect the dead, Herbert West. It's a wickedly dark comedy with tons of grue and great sight gags. Re-Animator never gets old. Highly recommend!

TRAILER

3. Dellamorte Dellamore (AKA: Cemetery Man)

Director: Michele Soavi
Year: 1994
Country: Italy/France/Germany

In 1994 Dario Argento's protege, Michele Soavi, brought to life a film quite unlike any I'd ever seen before. That film was Dellamorte Dellamore (literally translated Of Love, Of Death) which was marketed in America under the ridiculous and absolutely inept title of Cemetery Man. It's such an original entry into the zombie movie catalog, that I'm not even sure what genre you would classify it as. It's an existentialist zombie movie (how's that?) that stars Rupert Everett as a cemetery caretaker who gets himself involved in some pretty weird shit. The tagline is "Zombies, guns, and sex, OH MY!!!" and all that stuff is there, but that doesn't begin to touch this film. We'll leave the plot synopsis at that, but let me just tell you that this film is amazing. The "cemetery man" is based on a secondary character in the popular Italian comic book Dylan Dog. Now, what's weird about that is in the eighties, the creator of said comic book based the look of Dylan on Rupert Everett. Hmm. WATCH IT!

TRAILER

2. Dawn of the Dead

Director: George A. Romero
Year: 1978
Country: USA

Dawn of the Dead. It's the maturation of the social critique that Romero began in Night. You could write a book on the themes that Romero uses in this film. It's superb. And I don't want to hear "but the zombies are blue!". Shuttup. The zombies are great. The over-saturated colors of the blood and the zombies makes for a surreal nightmare of epic proportions. If I get to typing a whole lot here, I won't be able to stop so we'll just say that the movie is brilliant.

TRAILER

1. Night of the Living Dead

Director: George A. Romero
Year: 1968
Country: USA

I shouldn't have to say anything about this one. Let's just say if you haven't seen it go watch it so we can still be friends.

TRAILER

- Jordan M.
Commerce, TX

Clip(s) of the Week

Movie Trailers!

You're in for a treat! Instead of just one clip of the week, you're gonna get a slew of 'em. What follows are trailers for some upcoming movies that look promising.

THE MIST


NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN


THERE WILL BE BLOOD


BE KIND REWIND


MARGOT AT THE WEDDING


EASTERN PROMISES


-Jordan M.
Commerce, TX

Top Ten List of the Week

Top Ten Robots Ever

Everyone loves robots! Be they the type that are made to serve you, or the type made to eviscerate you, robots are cool. And they've been staples in fiction for years and years now. So, here are my top ten robots...ever:

10. Johnny 5 - You remember this little bastard from Short Circuit 1 and 2. I haven't seen the movies in years, but them when I was a kid. I'm sure they still hold up (um-hm).

9. Robby the Robot - Robby is the robot that belongs to Mobius in the seminal sci-fi film Forbidden Planet. He was also used in a number of other films and TV shows through-out the 1950's and 1960's. He's probably the coolest looking robot ever.

8. The Iron Giant - The Iron Giant is the titular character from the 1999 animated movie. Oft overlooked, The Iron Giant is a really good movie. Check it out. Su-per-man.

7. BATs- These Battle Android Troopers were the robotic minions of Cobra, a ruthless, terrorist organizaion built on world conquest. They were pretty easy to kill, but the toys were especially cool because you could switch out their hands for various weapons (blow torch, anyone?).




6. Krang's Robot Body (Exosuit) - Krang is an evil warlord from Dimension X that appears in the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cartoon series. He had a couple of different ways to get around, but the absolute coolest was his exosuit. Look at that thing! Awesome. Plus the toy was amazing. Something like 12" tall. Oh, and somebody plllease, get this T-shirt made!

5. ED-209 - Enforcement Droid Series 209 is the beast of a robot from RoboCop that serves as the only true competition for RoboCop. Its arms are giant machine guns!

4. IG-88 - A robot bounty hunter that was hired by the Evil Galactic Empire to search out the Millenium Falcon in The Empire Strikes Back, IG-88 didn't get very much screen time. This travesty has been rectified in numerous novels in which he is declared the "second greatest bounty hunter in the universe" (after Boba Fett).


3. Gort - Klaatu barada nikto! Built from a single piece of flexible metal, Gort is a robot that could destroy the world if he wanted to. If you aren't familiar with him, check out The Day the Earth Stood Still before the remake comes out.

2. Optimus Prime - No, Michael Bay did not create Optimus Prime. Before that movie, there was a weekly cartoon dedicated to Optimus Prime and his crew of Autobots. Plus, come on, he's one of the coolest toys ever.

1.T-101 - This was the model number of the Terminator that Ahnold brought to life in T2. His CPU is a neural net processor; a learning computer. Anyway, I can only think of a scant few sci-fi films that have a better mythos than the world of The Terminator, and the T-101 was one of the coolest heroes ever.

- Jordan M.
Commerce, TX

Halloweak

Movie Review: Halloween (2007)

Knowing full well that the movie was going to be an abomination, I forced myself to go see Rob Zombies...ermm..."re-imagining"...of John Carpenter's masterpiece, Halloween. First off, I should preface by saying the original is in my top five films of all time. That said, Zombie's version is no film. It is a movie.

The first act of the movie is an absolute trainwreck. In it, we get to witness Michael Myer's rough childhood, which leads to him being a vicious (and 7 foot tall!) killer. We start off with a young Michael murdering a rat and his step-father (who's a real dick, man!) spouting off the most tepid bits of dialogue you've ever heard. Zombie is still under the impression that watching people in poor, white trash homes is scary. And we realize once and for all that Mrs. Zombie (who plays Michael's mother) cannot act. The first twenty minutes of the film were met with laughter from the audience at the screening I went to. Not a good sign for a film that should be played straight. Eventually the young (and really un-threatening looking) Michael kills not only his sister Judith and her boyfriend, but also the a-hole step-father.



After this twenty minutes of crap, we get another twenty minutes of crap. Only now, Michael is put in Smith's Grove Sanitarium. It's here that he is actually be-friended by Danny Trejo and Malcom McDowell's Dr. Sam Loomis. It's very hard for me to see Loomis played by anyone other than Donald Pleasence (rest in peace), so I may be biased, but McDowell is atrocious. There is actually a scene in which Michael asks Loomis (a Brit) why he "talks so funny"! Just what I always wanted to see! In Carpenter's film (which is damn nigh perfect) Michael is a faceless, super-human killer. So much so, that the credits just list him as "The Shape". In Zombie's version, he's a stupid little kid wearing a KISS t-shirt that grows up to be a giant. Zombie actually tries to get us to sympathize with the character. I just don't understand.

The last bit of the film, which seems rushed, is without tension. It is, however, a total departure from the first part of the film (in which Zombie might have been winking at the audience a little) as it is played with brutality. It's all Michael killing the teenagers with extreme prejudice. Where as this is the majority of the original film (and filmed with great atmosphere and tension), it is about 40 minutes of Zombie's version. Here zombie changes the geography of the original and kills the PJ Soles character in the Myers house! Oh! Good thinking, Rob, that really warrants a remake. The best stuff here is lifted directly from the orginal (Paul's murder, etc.).

I guess the worst part of the whole thing is that it's devoid of the nuances that make the original great. Carpenter knew how to shoot a movie, Zombie does not. It's that simple, really. There are some things that are interesting in the film, like that Tommy Doyle is watching The Thing From Another World on TV (which he does in the original) and the inclusion of the songs "Don't Fear the Reaper" and "Mr. Sandman", which were both in the original. And, of course, Zombie includes a bunch of genre mainstays like Ken Foree, Bill Moseley, and Sid Haig (basically the entire Firefly family from Zombie's previous films are in the cast here).

The good points? There are a couple of pretty interesting kills that will hold your interest for a few minutes at a time, but these are offset by everything else in this shit-fest. I guess that the absolute best thing about this travesty is the chick that plays Annie is none other than Danielle Harris (she was the little girl that starred in Halloween 4 and 5). She's really hot now. Trust me. That and Carpenter's original score is still, for the most part, in tact.

Let's be honest though, this thing was damned out the gate. I can't think of a more ill-advised (genre) film to remake. And, sadly enough, Zombie didn't fail me.

2/10

- Jordan M.
Commerce, TX

Clip of the Week

Martin Scorsese's The Big Shave

So, you've seen Goodfellas and Raging Bull. Ever see The Big Shave? This is an anti-Vietnam short directed by Marty Scorsese in 1967.




- Jordan M.
Commerce, TX

Improving the Rangers

First Base

Well, this is the first of what may or may not be a series of posts about how to improve my beloved Texas Rangers. Right now, one of the major issues is first base. We've just got rid of a gold-glove firstbasmen (who is tearing it up in Atlanta!) and have a few options for next season. Who are our optional first basemen? Let's take a look.

Jarrod Saltalamacchia - Currently hitting .259 for the Rangers. He's 6'4" and has a pretty decent glove, but I think that the 22 year old Salty would be better utilized as a permanent catcher. Sorry Laird.

Frank Catalanotto - Cat has been a poor hitter all season long, and has been splitting his time playing in the outfield and DHing. I don't know how he would do at first base, but I have doubts about his skills.

Brad Wilkerson - A left fielder by trade, Wilkerson played a bit of first base for us this season while Tex was hurt. When he made the move, his power numbers increased dramatically and (while I don't have the numbers) he didn't exactly suck at first. However, he does generally suck.

Jason Botts - A late call-up this year, Botts has not produced offensively. He's played both the outfield and first base in his minor league career, but has been DHing for us. Don't know enough about his defense to make a legit call.

Hank Blalock - You might know him as the brother of Jake Blalock, but I remember him as a legit power hitter.

I have to assume that Hank ain't gonna be 100% after having a rib taken out, and that he may never be the same again. However, that's precisely why he is my choice for the Texas Rangers new first baseman. If we get him out of the hot corner, and move him to a spot that's a little easier to handle, maybe he'll just show us some of that old spark. He won't have to strain himself in the field, and maybe that will turn into some offensive production. Well what about third you say? Until we can get something better, I guess Vazquez gets the third base job by defauly.

- Jordan M.
Commerce, TX

Top 15 List of the Week

Top 15 Upcoming DVDs





Don't know what to buy? I'll help you. This is a list of the next fifteen standard definition DVDs that you should snag.

1. Warner Director's Series: Stanley Kubrick Collection - 10/23 - This boxset is gonna be great. Finally, Warner is giving Kubrick his due with these special editions, which includes 10 discs, housing Eyes Wide Shut, Full Metal Jacket, 2001, The Shining, and A Clockwork Orange. Plus a whole slew of special features and what have yous.

2. Twin Peaks: Definitive Gold Box Collection - 10/30 - Finally season two of David Lynch's surreal TV series is being released. And not only that, it's coming in a box with the first season and with the as of yet only available in bootleg and other regions pilot episode of the series.

3. From Beyond: Director's Cut - 9/11 - One of the unreleased Stuart Gordon's (Re-Animator)Lovecraft adaptations. Stars the always amazing Jeffrey Combs! This thing has been in production/release limbo for a long, long time now.

4. Vincent Price: MGM Scream Legends Collection - 9/11 - Vincent Price. 'Nuff said.

5. Blade Runner: Ultimate Collector's Set - 12/18 - This is a crazy huge set for Ridley Scott's best film. Five discs of Blade Runner, which includes all of the variations of the film. Fan boys are salivating.

6. The Roger Corman Collection - 9/18 - Corman is the king of the B picture, and this set includes cult classics like A Bucket of Blood and The Trip (plus tons more)

7.Breathless: Criterion Collection - 10/23 - Considered by many to be Godard's best film, Breathless finally gets the Criterion treatment.

8. Knocked Up: 2-Disc Unrated - 9/25 - Hilarious Judd Apatow film that, even with its fairly long running time for a comedy, left me wanting more. Hopefully, will get more in this two disc set.

9. Days of Heaven: Criterion Collection - 10/23 - Mallick only directs like one film a decade, and this is supposed to be his best one. Can't wait to see it.

10. Cruising - 9/18 - Possibly Friedkin's last great film, this one stars Al Pacino as undercover cop posing a a homosexual!

11. Someone's Watching Me - 9/25 - Early Carpenter. All Carpenter is good Carpenter (even Ghosts of Mars), so I'm looking forward to watching this one.

12. Commando: Director's Cut - 9/18 - A director's cut of Commando? You know you want to see that.

13. Masters of Horror: Season 1 - 8/28 - Haha. You all bought them seperately, but here they are in one big box set. Jokes on you.

14. Witchfinder General - 9/11 - Vincent Price on a witchhunt. This is one of the latest in the newly resurrected MGM Midnight Movies series.

15. Night on Earth: Criterion Collection - 9/4 - Probably Jim Jarmusch's most acclaimed film, this one is ripe for a Criterion release.

I'm elated, because the next few weeks of releases are genre-fanboy heaven. MGM has brought back their Midnight Movies series, Blue Underground is gonna re-release a bunch of Anchor Bay's back catalog (as they are prone to do), and there are just all kinds of great releases coming out. Excellent.

- Jordan M.
Commerce, TX

Clip of the Week

Angry Video Game Nerd - TMNT (NES)


The clip of the week today comes from a guy known as the Angry Video Game Nerd. His webseries used to be exclusively on YouTube, but now it seems he's inked a deal over at GameTrailers.com. So, here it is, AVGN giving hell to a game that I could never, ever, ever, ever beat when I was a lad:



- Jordan M.
Commerce, TX

Top Ten List of the Week

Top Ten Teen Comedies

The release (and sheer coolness) of Superbad has prompted me to make this one. My list of the week this week is the top ten teen comedies of all time. I don't claim to be an expert on the genre, but it's pretty young and I think I've seen enough to make a competent list. What makes a teen comedy? Well, in this case, we're saying that the characters in the films themselves must be in their teens. There's also an intangible here that I'm not really able to pinpoint. What I mean is this, the protagonist (Max) in Rushmore is in his teens but that is not a teen comedy. Let's just say that we all know what a teen comedy is and I'm not going to define it anymore. Deal with it.

NOTE: EDITED 8/28 TO INCLUDE HEATHERS

This is kind of a toughie, but I'll give it my all (and try to limit the nostalgia factor):

1. Superbad
2. Dazed and Confused
3. Heathers
4. Fast Times at Ridgemont High
5. Can't Hardly Wait
6. American Pie
7. Ferris Bueller's Day Off
8. Say Anything...
9. Sixteen Candles
10. Risky Business

- Jordan M.
Commerce, TX

Clip of the Week

Edgar Wright Interviews Cera and Hill

This is a pretty funny "interview" that Edgar Wright (director of the wonderful Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz) conducted with the stars of the new (and badass) movie Superbad, Michael Cera (of Arrested Development - the show - fame) and Jonah Hill. If you haven't seen Superbad...go watch it. Now. I'll wait. As Pop Newmo succinctly put it, it's scary how accurate the movie is.




Am I the only one that thinks that Jonah Hill looks like the third and grossest looking Penn brother? I guess so.


- Jordan M.
Commerce, TX

Disgusted!

Escape While You Still Can





Man, oh man. Creature-Corner has just broken the news that the upcoming remake of the 1981 John Carpenter classic Escape From New York is being helmed by none other than Len Wiseman. If you are unfamiliar with Escape From New York first off, I pity you. Secondly, let me fill you in. Escape is the first of the wonderful eighties Carpenter/Kurt Russell trilogy (followed by The Thing and Big Trouble in Little China...both classics) that stars Russell as the ultimate badass, Snake Plissken (eventually the character was copped/emulated in the Metal Gear video game series).

The plot summary is something like this: After the president's plane is shotdown over a post-apocalyptic New York (which has now been turned into an island prison for the worst of the worst criminals), Snake, an incarcerated convict, is offered his freedom if he will agree to be sent into New York in order to save him. Doesn't sound too wonderful, but it is. The one-liners, action, and all out badassosity (yep) of the character make the movie an ultimate funride. Snake is iconic in the world of genre-loving geeks.

And now, instead of Kurt Russell, we get Gerard Butler (star of the bloated and overrated 300). Don't get me wrong, Butler showed he had some chops in 300, but come on! He ain't Snake effing Plissken. There's only one guy that can do it, and that's Russell. If we have to suffer through a remake of a film that is in no need of one, at least put Kurt in it! Now, I'm not so sure about this "let's show Snake's origins". I'd be all for it, if John Carpenter was penning it, but he ain't. Some guy that's only written one script is (Ken Nolan - Black Hawk Down).

And, instead of John Carpenter, we get Len Wiseman. Wonderful. We replace on of the greatest auteurs (yeah, I said it) of the past 30 years and replace him with the guy that directed three ultimately forgettable movies (the two Underworld films and the latest Die Hard). Hmmm...sounds like a fair trade off. Let's think, Carpenter's first three major motion pictures went like this: Assault on Precinct 13, Halloween, and The Fog. That's a home run, grand slam, and base hit in a row.

I feel certain that the only reason for the Wiseman/Butler combo is because they are now "bankable" due to their recent successes. I have to wonder what would have happend if Grindhouse hadn't flopped. Would we at least see an offer to Russell for the role? Maybe. Then again...

In short (or kind of long), this is a movie that shouldn't be remade anyway (very few of the movies in this current craze of remakes were actually in want of a remake - look at Texas Chainsaw Massacre or Assault on Precinct 13 or Halloween), but Escape is so distinctly an eighties film that it is mind-boggling how someone could look at it and say that it needed to be remade. You Hollywood parasites! Now, we could get into a whole thing here about the questionable integrity of the remake in general, but we won't. However, I will say I don't think they are inherently evil, but that the current trend of remaking my beloved genre films feels like a lack of creativity mixed with a lack of respect for the films themselves (likely because they are indeed genre films - odds are you won't see Ja Rule in a remake of The Lady Eve). Ladies and gentlemen, I implore you, is nothing sacred?

- Jordan M.
Commerce, TX

A Real Treat!

Well ladies and germs, we have a surprise for everyone this week:

A bonus clip of the week!

This is Jimmy Kimmel DESTROYING nearly everyone in attendance at Comedy Central's Roast of Flavor Flav!

Don't Look Now, But...

On May 30 of this year, Buster Olney posted this update on his ESPN.com blog [Insider required] regarding the playoff hopes of the New York Yankees at the time:

"The Yankees … have reached the point where they will almost require a historic comeback to make the playoffs:

The Yankees’ deficit in the division race is 14.5 games. Only one team has won a division or league with a deficit of greater than 14 games — the 1914 Boston Braves.

The Yankees’ deficit in the wildcard is 8.5 games. Only four wildcard winners have overcome greater deficits than that — the ‘95 Yankees (who were once nine games out), the 2001 Athletics (once 10.5 games out), the 2003 Marlins (11.5 games out), and the 2005 Astros (11.5 games out).

Only two other times have the Yankees had a larger deficit in May — 1984: In the year in which the Tigers started 35-5, the Yankees fell 17.5 games out in May. 1913: the Yankees were as much as 18.5 games out in May."

At that time the Ole Pinstripers were in, needless to say, extreme danger of breaking their streak of 12 consecutive trips to the postseason. The team had been through a variety of setbacks; between the trade of stars Randy Johnson and Gary Sheffield in the offseason, the unexpected tragic death of starter Cory Lidle, and the extended DL-stints of notable players all across the diamond, this team looked uninspiring at best (in deep trouble).

The Yanks had a hodge-podge starting rotation that consisted of high-priced old guys (Mike Mussina, Andy Pettitte, and, later, Roger Clemens), young studs with a high ceiling of potential but unproven (Chien-Ming Wang, Philip Hughes) and young guys with less than 5 career big league starts (Jeff Karstens, Chase Wright, Darrell Rasner, Tyler Clippard, Matt DeSalvo, and overpaid Japanese import Kei Igawa who has since been designated for assignment and placed on waivers). Throw in the Ghost of Carl Pavano and his 5 wins in 19 starts over the last three years, and you've got some obvious pitching concerns for mounting the comeback trail to the playoffs. Add to it...

Mussina missed close to a month with a bad hamstring. Wang started the season on the DL with a shaky hammy, and was out until the end of April. Karstens, who was only called up to replace other injured pitchers, missed two full months after took a line drive to the shin and suffered a broken leg. The aforementioned Pavano, who wasn't exactly known for staying healthy beforehand, got shut down for the rest of the season with an injury to his forearm (this was after sitting out the entire 2006 season with a myriad of impairments, yet was tabbed as the 2007 Opening Day starter...go figure.) Hughes went down in the 7th inning of a no-hitter performance against the Texas Rangers with a shaky hamstring and was shelved for the better part of two months. There seemed to be no luck at all in staying healthy for the staff. (After Hughes went down, the team subsequently gave Strength & Conditioning Coach Marty Miller his walking papers.)

Then, there were the issues with the lineup.

After starting the year on a historically ridiculous pace, Alex Rodriguez dipped into a .235 month of May and looked like he might be on his way back down to Earth. Outfielder Bobby Abreu was down around 70 points beneath his career batting average and 210 points below his career slugging percentage and at no point resembled the player who hit .330 with 42 RBI in 58 games for the Yankees in 2006 after being traded from Philadelpia at the trade deadline. Johnny Damon and Jason Giambi both had missed significant portions of time and were noticeably underperforming compared to their career numbers. Second baseman Robinson Cano, who hit .342 in '06 and finished 3rd for the AL Batting crown, was hovering near the .230 mark. Doug Mientkiewicz was literally knocked out of the lineup on June 2 after colliding with Red Sox 3rd Baseman Mike Lowell on a play at 1st base, and suffered a concussion and a broken wrist (He is yet to return to the team). Japanese slugger and fan favorite Hideki Matsui missed time with nagging hamstring and wrist injuries (notice the pattern yet?).

At the All-Star break, the Bombers were 42-43 and sitting on the outside looking in for the right to play in October.



...and then they turned it around.

...in a hurry.

How'd they manage to do that?

Well...

1.The bats got scorching hot:

-New York leads the major leagues in Runs Scored, Batting Average, Slugging %, RBI, On-Base %, and OPS, while ranking in the Top 5 in Total Hits, Extra Base Hits, Home Runs, & Total Bases.
-Damon and Giambi (again, who've both missed chunks of time with various injuries) Abreu and Andy Phillips are the only Yankee regulars betting less than .290; a mind-blowing 7 Yankees are currently hitting a better than a .300 clip.
-7 players already have more than 100 hits with Derek Jeter and Cano on pace for 200+.
-A-Rod, right, picked right up where he left off in April and has already passed the 500 career home runs mark (the youngest player in baseball histoy to do so), and virtually locked up the Home Run Crown (39), RBI title (112), and AL MVP award.
-Jeter is again batting north of .320 for the year (good for 6th in the AL).
-Robinson Cano has raised his batting average over 30 points since the All Star Break to .313 (he's raking at a .414 mark since the break), not to mention rediscovering his power stroke to the tune of 10 HR since June 1 after hitting only 3 in the season's first 3 months.
-Bobby Abreu has regained his notable plate-discipline to raise his batting average 40 points since July 1st and also picked up his walks, slugging %, and RBI numbers.
-Hideki Matsui has raised his batting average 21 points since the All Star Break and has belted 11 homeruns during that time span to give him 23 on the year (good for 6th in the AL).
-Promising young outfielder Melky Cabrera has raised his batting average 33 points since July 1st while playing great enough defense to relegate Johnny Damon to spot-starting/DH duty.
-Jorge Posada has surged to reach the top 5 in the AL batting race (.338) in the midst of an overall career year both in the field and at the plate at 35 years of age.

2.The defense & pitching is MUCH improved, and, more importantly, finally healthy:

-Mariano Rivera is Mariano Rivera.
-Chien-Ming Wang is 7-1 in his last ten starts.
-Super Rookie Hughes and fresh new fireballer Joba Chamberlain have been as advertised, racking up the K's while not surrenduring many runs.
-Pettitte has been a workhouse all season providing a solid consistent presence in the rotation (and even a couple times out of the bullpen).
-Mussina and Clemens have probably been the streakiest starters (other than the young kids), but that's a great luxury to have: two guys with 250+ wins and big-time postseason experience are your "shakiest" rotation spots. They'll be primed and ready by late August.
-Clippard, Rasner, DeSalvo, and Wright have used their short time in the majors to learn and can now provide extra depth both in the starting rotation in case of an injury or in the bullpen as long/middle relief.
-They solved the "short bench" problem at the trade deadline by trading over-worked reliever Scott Proctor to the Dodgers for super-utility player Wilson Betemit (a shortstop who can play any infield position) who has shown flashes of great things at the dish, as well as adding veteran catcher Jose Molina to afford Posada a day off here and there to rest for the stretch run.

3.The Youth Movement has provided extra much-needed depth:

-The Yankees offseason trades of Sheffield and Johnson yielded enough high level talent that they could begin the harvest their homegrown studs without depleting the whole farm system.
-Most importantly, New York, maybe for the first time in the Steinbrenner Era, stood pat at the trade deadline and refused to let go of top prospects in any trade scenarios. Hughes (21, right) and Chamberlain (21), along with right-handed starting prospects Ian Kennedy (22), Humberto Sanchez (24), and Dellin Betances(19) could join Wang for one of the most dynamite young rotations in all of baseball in only a year or two.
-Mid-summer call up Shelley Duncan, 27, has been slugging his way into a full-time role with the team after racking up 5 HR and 10 RBI in only 35 AB to potentially make high-priced veterans like Giambi and Damon valuable trade pieces this winter.
-Melky Cabrera, who turned 23 yesterday, looks like an All-Star in the making with a tremendous combination of speed, defense, and timely hitting; He's currently riding a 16-game hitting streak, and already has 16 hits in 9 games this month.
-All the early-season injuries have become blessings in disguise for young players like Brian Bruney, Sean Henn, Edwar Ramirez, and Andy Phillips to have had a chance to showcase their talent to prove they can be valuable pieces to a playoff run.
-Thanks to their patience in developing the youngsters, the Yanks' minor league system now ranks in the Top 10. [#11 according to Hardball Times]


The Bottom line:
Today, the Yanks have used a stretch of winnable [easy] games to claw their way back into relevancy. They currently sit at 14 games above .500 (easily their highest mark of the year) into a virtual tie with Seattle and hold a 1 game lead over Detroit in the Wild Card race, but have slashed Boston's divisional cushion to a mere 5 games (The two rivals still have 6 more games against each other).

The baseball world should be very afraid of this current team. They've been through the depths of a god-awful slump and managed to streak back into contention with a stong mix of youthful energy and veteran know-how. This IS NOT a team that anyone wants to see lingering around in October. If the Yankees can stay healthy, and hold on to their current pace, they will be a very, very dangerous club down the stretch.

This team wants to show what it means to suit up in the pinstripes: Win. When it counts. These guys want to silence the critics who said they were cooked back in June. You can feel the rush of confidence beaming from every player in the clubhouse. They now know they can win.

That is why we'll all still be watching this team's remarkable and improbable turnaround into the brisk air of November; as The Postseason Streak stays still very much in tact.

...And as they hoist their 40th American League pennant.

And when they step onto the field at the World Series amidst all the doubting and naysaying...


I bet it'll be fun to be the underdogs for once.


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Now playing: Beck - Think I'm In Love