Ninjas. You know that they're kick ass. If you grew up in the eighties and early ninties, you can remember how much the lads and lasses of that time period were bombarded by those stealthy, clandestine killers. They were all over the place. In movies, video games, cartoons, comic books, everywhere you looked. It's no wonder that to all the twenty-something nerds today still have a soft spot in their hearts (including yours truly) for those lovable assassins, the ninja. Here it is, the top ten ninjas...ever!
"My friend, a ninja doesn't kill. He eliminates and only for defensive purposes." - Enter the Ninja
10. Tum-Tum - Probably the greatest ninja to ever live, Tum-Tum was one of the stars of the 3 Ninjas movies. He was so funny, because he loved to eat. And, as we all know, little fat kids doing karate is funny. And, check it out, the little bastard has a MySpace! Awesome.
9. Rikimaru - Rikimaru is one of two playable characters in Tenchu: Stealth Assasins for the Playstation. I absolutely loved this grue-filled and ultra-violent game! The whole point of the game is to sneak up behind
unwitting dudes and slit their throats with a kitana! Sign me up!8. Joe Armstrong - Played by Michael Dudikoff (really, Dudikoff!), Joe Armstron is the protagonist of the American Ninja. And if you want cheesy, eighties Americanized ninja action, look no further! This stuff is gold, and Joe will beat you senseless.
7. Haru - The Great White Ninja as played by none other than the late Chris Farley in the 1997 movie Beverly Hills Ninja. Sure, you might want to argue over the merits of the movie itself, but you'll get no argument from me. I know the movie is bad, but Farley was the king of physical comedy and he pushes it hard in Beverly Hills Ninja. Put him on screen, and he will induce laughter. He may not be a great ninja; he may not be one with the universe; but he will say this: NO ONE MESSES WITH HIS BROTHER.
6. Sub-Zero - No, not the stalker from The Running Man, this Sub-Zero is the icy cold ninja from the Mortal Kombat series. The wikipedia article on him says he's not a ninja because he's Chinese. What do they know? Nothing. That's what. Sub-Zero is a bad man. And if you don't think so, he'll rip your head off!
5. Joe Musashi - The protagonist, and titular character of Sega's Shinobi series, Joe Musashi was a "weak boy who first entered the dojo of the Oboro clan at a young age and gradually, through tireless practice and meditation, worked himself up to become the most skilled and respected ninja of his clan." Plus, what about those throwing star stages? Suh-weet. Never beat the game? Well, here's the FINAL STAGE for your viewing pleasure.
4. Oruku Saki - Better known as The Shredder, Oruku Saki terrorizes the Ninja Turtles with his sharp, metal claws and expert martial arts techniques. Of course, one wonders if he would be considered as menacing if Eastman and Laird had used the name for him that they originally wanted to, Grate Man. Fuh'real.
3. Storm Shadow - The Arashikage ninja Storm Shadow is used as an assassin for the Cobra organization (and as Cobra Commander's personal bodyguard). He's Cobra's version of the Joe's Snake Eyes (with less of a conscience!).
2. Ryu Hayabusa - Star of the wonderful Ninja Gaiden games, Ryu is as deadly a man as ever there has been. Seriously, have you played Ninja Gaiden on the Xbox? He can kill everything in the world! It is rare that an entire series of games is good. I mean the whole run. Even Zelda had Zelda 2 that was kind of lack-luster. But every Ninja Gaiden game is awesome.
1. Snake Eyes - Achieving the rank of U.S. Army Sergeant First Class (E-7), Snake Eyes is the single coolest member of GI Joe. He is an expert with the ninjato, in multiple martial arts, with small arms, and explosives. He was also a member of the clan on ninjas known as the Arashikage. You don't wanna bump with
them.
UPDATE: Actually, maybe THIS GUY should have made the list...
- Jordan M.
Commerce, TX
2 comments:
brilliant.
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