Sunday, October 14, 2007

Top Ten List of the Week

Top Ten Aliens

10. MAC (Mac and Me) - MAC stands for Mysterious Alien Creature. It's similar to how E.T. stands for Extra-Terrestrial. Wait a second, this whole thing stinks of E.T.! I've been had! Oh well. Go check out Mac and Me. And how could you forget the wheelchair scene?

9. The Arbiter (Halo 2 and 3) - Voiced by none other than Keith David (They Live), the Arbiter adds a very interesting twist to the Halo saga. He's a Covenant Elite that has turned Benedict Arnold on his species. He becomes so integral to the story in part 2, that you have to play through some of the final levels as the Arbiter himself.

8. The Blob (The Blob) - The Blob is the gelatinous creature from the film of the same name. It was a faceless, featureless creature that did nothing but devour. Surely there is a metaphor in there somewhere, but I'm not willing to look for it.

7. The Visitors (V) - The creatures from the mini-series (and subsequent TV series) V were lizard-like beings that masked themselves to look like normal human beings (devious lizards!). The whole thing was a thinly-veiled "re-imagining" of the rise of the Nazis. And, if there's one thing that spells quality TV, it's re-imagining the rise of the Nazis.

6. The Mutant (This Island Earth) - MST3K aside, This Island Earth is a pretty decent little Sci-Fi picture. I can only imagine how shocking this mutant beast of Metaluna must've looked in 1955. Well, now that I think about it, it probably still looked like a dude in a foam suit.

5. Rancor Monster (Return of the Jedi) - This is the beast that lived under Jabba's palace. He was a big, mean bastard. From what I've read in the Star Wars Dictionary, it was also the last of its kind (maybe that's why the bald dude with the man-tits cries when he dies).

4. Xenomorphs (Alien series) - Xenomorphs are the titular aliens from Alien, Aliens, Alien 3, and Alien: Ressurection (yes, I'm aware they have appeared in another film, but we won't concern ourselves with that one). These things bleed acid and want to kill you. Developed by HR Giger, these Aliens have to be the absolute scariest ever put to celluloid. But, don't worry. They mostly come out at night. Mostly.

3. The Thing (The Thing) - I don't even know what this alien looks like, but I know it's kickass. The Thing (from the Carpenter remake of The Thing From Another World) is a parasitic creature that takes over its host and seems to be able to multiply at an alarming rate. If you've never seen The Thing, you are missing out on one of the top ten movies of the eighties. But, if you don't want to watch the real one (too squeamish?), check out the Lego version.

2. Superman (any incarnation) - Yeah. You might've forgot, but Superman is a gall-derned alien.

1. The Predator (Predator series) - Apparently Predators have been around for a long time (from evidence in Predator 2, Glover's finest work) and are just gonna keep coming back. But, what about that sweet ending when Dutch actually has to go one on one with the predator?

- Jordan M.
Commerce, TX


adra said...

what about the guy in the saucer (and even the super cute guy in the pocket) from flight of the navigator?

and why do you think e.t. is so smelly?

Jordan M. said...

Woah. I've not seen Flight of the Navigator in many years. Another one I was thinking of was the little alien-robot things from Batteries Not Included. Those things were neat-o!

E.T. stinks because Steven Spielberg took a poop on him by "updating" the film by replacing the guns with flashlights.

ally face said...

number 1 was a good pick. i love the alien from predator because i wasnt disappointed when i saw him. it seems that alien movies always have this certain suspense that builds up to the moment you finally see the alien, and once you get a good look at him what you see is dissapointing. i didnt have any disappointment when i saw the predator. he was awesome, and he put up a good fight against arnold.

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