Halo: Combat Devolved
In honor of the release of Halo 3, I bring a sneak preview of the upcoming Halo 4 (and 5, and 6, etc. etc.).
- Jordan M.
Commerce, TX
Saturday, September 29, 2007
Saturday, September 22, 2007
Top Ten List of the Week
Top Ten Ninjas
Ninjas. You know that they're kick ass. If you grew up in the eighties and early ninties, you can remember how much the lads and lasses of that time period were bombarded by those stealthy, clandestine killers. They were all over the place. In movies, video games, cartoons, comic books, everywhere you looked. It's no wonder that to all the twenty-something nerds today still have a soft spot in their hearts (including yours truly) for those lovable assassins, the ninja. Here it is, the top ten ninjas...ever!
"My friend, a ninja doesn't kill. He eliminates and only for defensive purposes." - Enter the Ninja
10. Tum-Tum - Probably the greatest ninja to ever live, Tum-Tum was one of the stars of the 3 Ninjas movies. He was so funny, because he loved to eat. And, as we all know, little fat kids doing karate is funny. And, check it out, the little bastard has a MySpace! Awesome.
9. Rikimaru - Rikimaru is one of two playable characters in Tenchu: Stealth Assasins for the Playstation. I absolutely loved this grue-filled and ultra-violent game! The whole point of the game is to sneak up behind
unwitting dudes and slit their throats with a kitana! Sign me up!
8. Joe Armstrong - Played by Michael Dudikoff (really, Dudikoff!), Joe Armstron is the protagonist of the American Ninja. And if you want cheesy, eighties Americanized ninja action, look no further! This stuff is gold, and Joe will beat you senseless.
7. Haru - The Great White Ninja as played by none other than the late Chris Farley in the 1997 movie Beverly Hills Ninja. Sure, you might want to argue over the merits of the movie itself, but you'll get no argument from me. I know the movie is bad, but Farley was the king of physical comedy and he pushes it hard in Beverly Hills Ninja. Put him on screen, and he will induce laughter. He may not be a great ninja; he may not be one with the universe; but he will say this: NO ONE MESSES WITH HIS BROTHER.
6. Sub-Zero - No, not the stalker from The Running Man, this Sub-Zero is the icy cold ninja from the Mortal Kombat series. The wikipedia article on him says he's not a ninja because he's Chinese. What do they know? Nothing. That's what. Sub-Zero is a bad man. And if you don't think so, he'll rip your head off!
5. Joe Musashi - The protagonist, and titular character of Sega's Shinobi series, Joe Musashi was a "weak boy who first entered the dojo of the Oboro clan at a young age and gradually, through tireless practice and meditation, worked himself up to become the most skilled and respected ninja of his clan." Plus, what about those throwing star stages? Suh-weet. Never beat the game? Well, here's the FINAL STAGE for your viewing pleasure.
4. Oruku Saki - Better known as The Shredder, Oruku Saki terrorizes the Ninja Turtles with his sharp, metal claws and expert martial arts techniques. Of course, one wonders if he would be considered as menacing if Eastman and Laird had used the name for him that they originally wanted to, Grate Man. Fuh'real.
3. Storm Shadow - The Arashikage ninja Storm Shadow is used as an assassin for the Cobra organization (and as Cobra Commander's personal bodyguard). He's Cobra's version of the Joe's Snake Eyes (with less of a conscience!).
2. Ryu Hayabusa - Star of the wonderful Ninja Gaiden games, Ryu is as deadly a man as ever there has been. Seriously, have you played Ninja Gaiden on the Xbox? He can kill everything in the world! It is rare that an entire series of games is good. I mean the whole run. Even Zelda had Zelda 2 that was kind of lack-luster. But every Ninja Gaiden game is awesome.
1. Snake Eyes - Achieving the rank of U.S. Army Sergeant First Class (E-7), Snake Eyes is the single coolest member of GI Joe. He is an expert with the ninjato, in multiple martial arts, with small arms, and explosives. He was also a member of the clan on ninjas known as the Arashikage. You don't wanna bump with
them.
UPDATE: Actually, maybe THIS GUY should have made the list...
- Jordan M.
Commerce, TX
Ninjas. You know that they're kick ass. If you grew up in the eighties and early ninties, you can remember how much the lads and lasses of that time period were bombarded by those stealthy, clandestine killers. They were all over the place. In movies, video games, cartoons, comic books, everywhere you looked. It's no wonder that to all the twenty-something nerds today still have a soft spot in their hearts (including yours truly) for those lovable assassins, the ninja. Here it is, the top ten ninjas...ever!
"My friend, a ninja doesn't kill. He eliminates and only for defensive purposes." - Enter the Ninja
10. Tum-Tum - Probably the greatest ninja to ever live, Tum-Tum was one of the stars of the 3 Ninjas movies. He was so funny, because he loved to eat. And, as we all know, little fat kids doing karate is funny. And, check it out, the little bastard has a MySpace! Awesome.
9. Rikimaru - Rikimaru is one of two playable characters in Tenchu: Stealth Assasins for the Playstation. I absolutely loved this grue-filled and ultra-violent game! The whole point of the game is to sneak up behind
unwitting dudes and slit their throats with a kitana! Sign me up!8. Joe Armstrong - Played by Michael Dudikoff (really, Dudikoff!), Joe Armstron is the protagonist of the American Ninja. And if you want cheesy, eighties Americanized ninja action, look no further! This stuff is gold, and Joe will beat you senseless.
7. Haru - The Great White Ninja as played by none other than the late Chris Farley in the 1997 movie Beverly Hills Ninja. Sure, you might want to argue over the merits of the movie itself, but you'll get no argument from me. I know the movie is bad, but Farley was the king of physical comedy and he pushes it hard in Beverly Hills Ninja. Put him on screen, and he will induce laughter. He may not be a great ninja; he may not be one with the universe; but he will say this: NO ONE MESSES WITH HIS BROTHER.
6. Sub-Zero - No, not the stalker from The Running Man, this Sub-Zero is the icy cold ninja from the Mortal Kombat series. The wikipedia article on him says he's not a ninja because he's Chinese. What do they know? Nothing. That's what. Sub-Zero is a bad man. And if you don't think so, he'll rip your head off!
5. Joe Musashi - The protagonist, and titular character of Sega's Shinobi series, Joe Musashi was a "weak boy who first entered the dojo of the Oboro clan at a young age and gradually, through tireless practice and meditation, worked himself up to become the most skilled and respected ninja of his clan." Plus, what about those throwing star stages? Suh-weet. Never beat the game? Well, here's the FINAL STAGE for your viewing pleasure.
4. Oruku Saki - Better known as The Shredder, Oruku Saki terrorizes the Ninja Turtles with his sharp, metal claws and expert martial arts techniques. Of course, one wonders if he would be considered as menacing if Eastman and Laird had used the name for him that they originally wanted to, Grate Man. Fuh'real.
3. Storm Shadow - The Arashikage ninja Storm Shadow is used as an assassin for the Cobra organization (and as Cobra Commander's personal bodyguard). He's Cobra's version of the Joe's Snake Eyes (with less of a conscience!).
2. Ryu Hayabusa - Star of the wonderful Ninja Gaiden games, Ryu is as deadly a man as ever there has been. Seriously, have you played Ninja Gaiden on the Xbox? He can kill everything in the world! It is rare that an entire series of games is good. I mean the whole run. Even Zelda had Zelda 2 that was kind of lack-luster. But every Ninja Gaiden game is awesome.
1. Snake Eyes - Achieving the rank of U.S. Army Sergeant First Class (E-7), Snake Eyes is the single coolest member of GI Joe. He is an expert with the ninjato, in multiple martial arts, with small arms, and explosives. He was also a member of the clan on ninjas known as the Arashikage. You don't wanna bump with
them.
UPDATE: Actually, maybe THIS GUY should have made the list...
- Jordan M.
Commerce, TX
Clip of the Week
Jan Svankmajer Short Film
This is the 1966 short film Et Cetera by Czech film-maker Jan Svankmajer. Watch and be amazed.
- Jordan M.
Commerce, TX
This is the 1966 short film Et Cetera by Czech film-maker Jan Svankmajer. Watch and be amazed.
- Jordan M.
Commerce, TX
Saturday, September 15, 2007
Top Fifteen List of the Week
Top Fifteen Video Games of All-Time
I've been gaming (seriously, that's what people call it) since I was probably three years old. Over the years, I've had a ton of systems: an Atari 2600,
an Atari 5200, an NES, a Super NES, a Sega Genesis, a Sega 32X, a Sega CD, a Sony Playstation, a N64, a Sega Dreamcast, an Atari Jaguar, a Playstation 2, an Xbox, and an Xbox 360. I feel that I'm qualified enough to make a list like this. But I have to warn you, I never was big on RPGs so don't let the absence of Final Fantasy or Breath of Fire or freaking Japanese games that have the words Dragon or Dragoon in them surprise you. Here's my list of my personal favorite 15 video games of all time:
15. Mortal Kombat II (Genesis) - I played this game all the time when I was a kid. It really pushed that M rating, harder than its predecessor. It was a lot of fun and had a lot more characters than the first one as well. Download the ROM
14. The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time (N64) - One of the few RPGs your going to see on my list, this game was awesome. It was the first time a console had seen Link in years, and he didn't disappoint.
13. Super Mario 64 (N64) - This was the hot ap for the N64 when it came out. A launch game, Super Mario 64 really showed what this new system had to offer by giving us huge environments in full 3D!
12. Tekken 3 (Playstation) - This is my absolute favorite fighting game of all time. Now every time I play a fighting game, they are all compared to the first time I ever played Tekken 3. Nothing ever stacks up.
11. Grand Theft Auto 3 (Playstation) - Controversial and so much damn fun, GTA 3 was a revolution in gaming. The first really big "sandbox" game, it proved that killing cops and stealing cars could be tons of fun.
10. Super Mario World (SNES) - It took Super Mario Bros. 3, and made it better. That's a feat, because part 3 was awesome.
9. WarCraft II (PC) - One of the first games I ever played over the internet, WarCraft II is also one of my all time favorties. I used to be really into RTS games, but nothing was ever as fun to me as WarCraft II. My friend Jim (who lived like 5 houses down) and I would hook up to our 28.8 connections and try to play this puppy about every other day.
8. Resident Evil 2 (Playstation) - The first one was great, but Resident Evil 2 really took it took the next level. We got a lot more of the (really interesting) story and the gameplay really came into its own. RE2 was just so much fun (and remained scary!).
7. Dead Rising (Xbox 360) - Boy, oh boy. The second (and final) zombie-themed game on the list, Dead Rising basically puts you smack dab in the middle of Dawn of the Dead and sets you loose. The game is actually a mixture of Resident Evil and Grand Theft Auto, giving you free reign over a character in a large environment and giving you the ability to kill zombies with anything and everything.
6. Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic (Xbox) - Ah. I can remember a solid week when I was supposed to be going to school at UNT, and instead I was sitting like a zombie, glued to my xbox playing KOTOR. There is no better idea than giving you an action-packed RPG in which you are a jedi choosing the light or dark side. If Dead Rising was a fanboy's dream, KOTOR is his wet dream.
5. The Legend of Zelda (NES) - It's the Legend of Zelda and it's really rad. It's been 20 years (literally, the game came out in 1987) and this is still one of my favorite games ever made. It came in that really cool gold cartridge, and if you beat it you could play it again backwards and all of that other innovative stuff.
4. Halo 2 (Xbox) - For all intents and purposes, the gameplay and graphics were both improved upon for the sequel to Halo. It was an amazing game that (natch) had great multiplayer and was incredibly fun to play. It didn't have quite the same oomph that the first one had however, and that's what bumps it down to number 4 on our list.
3. Tetris (Any Platform) - Tetris may be the only game that I will never get tired of. It's great to have on your cell phone or on the xbox or whereever to can get it. I could play it for hours on end (in fact, I have!) and just keep wanting to play it.
2. Goldenye (N64) - The second greatest shooter ever. In 1997, I would've have sworn that Goldeneye would always be #1. I couldn't get enough of this game. My friends and I played it all the time, hosting mini-tournaments and everything. My brother and I used to bet baseball cards on it. The game was like crack.
1. Halo (Xbox) - What Goldeneye was when I was in middle school, Halo was when I was in high school. It was Goldeneye cranked up to 11. My senior year (and the subsequent year as well) where both so completely dominated by Halo that my graduation party was just a bunch of linked up Xboxes that we used for some 16 player action.
Honorable Mentions:
X-Men (Arcade)
Dune 2 (PC)
Warlords (Atari)
Rampart (Arcade)
Rock N Roll Racing (Genesis)
Age of Empires (PC)
Ateroids (Arcade)
Mario Kart 64 (N64)
Mike Tyson's Punch-Out (NES)
Super Mario Bros 3 (NES)
Sonic 2 (Genesis)
Road Rash II (Genesis)
Perfect Dark (N64)
Of course, THIS and THIS might actually be the two greatest games ever.
- Jordan M.
Commerce, TX
I've been gaming (seriously, that's what people call it) since I was probably three years old. Over the years, I've had a ton of systems: an Atari 2600,
an Atari 5200, an NES, a Super NES, a Sega Genesis, a Sega 32X, a Sega CD, a Sony Playstation, a N64, a Sega Dreamcast, an Atari Jaguar, a Playstation 2, an Xbox, and an Xbox 360. I feel that I'm qualified enough to make a list like this. But I have to warn you, I never was big on RPGs so don't let the absence of Final Fantasy or Breath of Fire or freaking Japanese games that have the words Dragon or Dragoon in them surprise you. Here's my list of my personal favorite 15 video games of all time:15. Mortal Kombat II (Genesis) - I played this game all the time when I was a kid. It really pushed that M rating, harder than its predecessor. It was a lot of fun and had a lot more characters than the first one as well. Download the ROM
14. The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time (N64) - One of the few RPGs your going to see on my list, this game was awesome. It was the first time a console had seen Link in years, and he didn't disappoint.
13. Super Mario 64 (N64) - This was the hot ap for the N64 when it came out. A launch game, Super Mario 64 really showed what this new system had to offer by giving us huge environments in full 3D!
12. Tekken 3 (Playstation) - This is my absolute favorite fighting game of all time. Now every time I play a fighting game, they are all compared to the first time I ever played Tekken 3. Nothing ever stacks up.
11. Grand Theft Auto 3 (Playstation) - Controversial and so much damn fun, GTA 3 was a revolution in gaming. The first really big "sandbox" game, it proved that killing cops and stealing cars could be tons of fun.
10. Super Mario World (SNES) - It took Super Mario Bros. 3, and made it better. That's a feat, because part 3 was awesome.
9. WarCraft II (PC) - One of the first games I ever played over the internet, WarCraft II is also one of my all time favorties. I used to be really into RTS games, but nothing was ever as fun to me as WarCraft II. My friend Jim (who lived like 5 houses down) and I would hook up to our 28.8 connections and try to play this puppy about every other day.
8. Resident Evil 2 (Playstation) - The first one was great, but Resident Evil 2 really took it took the next level. We got a lot more of the (really interesting) story and the gameplay really came into its own. RE2 was just so much fun (and remained scary!).
7. Dead Rising (Xbox 360) - Boy, oh boy. The second (and final) zombie-themed game on the list, Dead Rising basically puts you smack dab in the middle of Dawn of the Dead and sets you loose. The game is actually a mixture of Resident Evil and Grand Theft Auto, giving you free reign over a character in a large environment and giving you the ability to kill zombies with anything and everything.
6. Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic (Xbox) - Ah. I can remember a solid week when I was supposed to be going to school at UNT, and instead I was sitting like a zombie, glued to my xbox playing KOTOR. There is no better idea than giving you an action-packed RPG in which you are a jedi choosing the light or dark side. If Dead Rising was a fanboy's dream, KOTOR is his wet dream.
5. The Legend of Zelda (NES) - It's the Legend of Zelda and it's really rad. It's been 20 years (literally, the game came out in 1987) and this is still one of my favorite games ever made. It came in that really cool gold cartridge, and if you beat it you could play it again backwards and all of that other innovative stuff.
4. Halo 2 (Xbox) - For all intents and purposes, the gameplay and graphics were both improved upon for the sequel to Halo. It was an amazing game that (natch) had great multiplayer and was incredibly fun to play. It didn't have quite the same oomph that the first one had however, and that's what bumps it down to number 4 on our list.
3. Tetris (Any Platform) - Tetris may be the only game that I will never get tired of. It's great to have on your cell phone or on the xbox or whereever to can get it. I could play it for hours on end (in fact, I have!) and just keep wanting to play it.
2. Goldenye (N64) - The second greatest shooter ever. In 1997, I would've have sworn that Goldeneye would always be #1. I couldn't get enough of this game. My friends and I played it all the time, hosting mini-tournaments and everything. My brother and I used to bet baseball cards on it. The game was like crack.
1. Halo (Xbox) - What Goldeneye was when I was in middle school, Halo was when I was in high school. It was Goldeneye cranked up to 11. My senior year (and the subsequent year as well) where both so completely dominated by Halo that my graduation party was just a bunch of linked up Xboxes that we used for some 16 player action.
Honorable Mentions:
X-Men (Arcade)
Dune 2 (PC)
Warlords (Atari)
Rampart (Arcade)
Rock N Roll Racing (Genesis)
Age of Empires (PC)
Ateroids (Arcade)
Mario Kart 64 (N64)
Mike Tyson's Punch-Out (NES)
Super Mario Bros 3 (NES)
Sonic 2 (Genesis)
Road Rash II (Genesis)
Perfect Dark (N64)
Of course, THIS and THIS might actually be the two greatest games ever.
- Jordan M.
Commerce, TX
Clip of the Week
Violent Cinema
Well, since I'm feeling a little lazy and I don't want to look around for any clips, I'm just gonna post one of mine. This a short film that I shot last summer. Here it is:
- Jordan M.
Commerce, TX
Sunday, September 9, 2007
Top Twenty List of the Week
NOTE: For the purpose of this list, The Evil Dead and its sequels are not zombie movies. The term zombie implies the re-animation of a corpse. There could be an argument made that Army of Darkness could qualify and that the mother ("witch in the cellar") or dead Linda in part two are zombies, but we'll not list it just the same. Just know that Evil Dead II is one of my all time favorite films.
I should note that Slither, Night of the Creeps and Shivers aren't on the list for the same reason.
20. The Serpent and the Rainbow
Director: Wes Craven
Year: 1988
Country: USA
This is Craven's (Nightmare on Elm Street, Scream) only entry into zombiedom and it's not entirely bad! Alright, I'm not the biggest fan of the film (or Craven for that matter), but it has its redeeming qualities. It's based on the book of the same name by Wade Davis, in which he chronicles his supposed real life escapades in the world of voodoo zombies in Haiti. Bill Pullman plays the role of the author and delivers a solid performance.
I know, I set the ground rules as only "re-animated dead" and I'm kind of fudging them here, but, it's my list, dammit.
A SCENE FROM THE FILM
19. Undead
Director: Michael and Peter Spierig
Year: 2003
Country: Australia
It's a fun, sci-fi zombie movie that comes from Australia of all places. It's got gore, naked aliens, and a gun-totin' badass. Not gonna find much in the way of depth here, but it's fun. Keep an eye out for the Evil Dead references.
18. Dead Alive (AKA: Braindead)
Director: Peter Jackson
Year: 1992
Country: New Zealand
I've never been the biggest Peter Jackson (Lord of the Rings) fan, nor have I been a big fan of this particular film. But, I have to admit, it's growing on me. Braindead as it's known world-wide) is a wildly popular cult hit that's best know for its excessive gore. There some pretty good kills here (lawnmower disembowelment, anyone) and is pretty funny.
SCENES FROM THE MOVIE
17. Zombi Holocaust (AKA: Zombie Holocaust, AKA: Dr. Butcher M.D. Medical Deviate)
Director: Marino Girolami
Year: 1980
Country: Italy
Alright, in all honesty, Zombi Holocaust sucks. But it sucks so bad that it's funny. You know the type. I don't know if you'd even call it camp...just crap. But, it does have the great Scottish actor Ian McCulloch in it, and that's pretty much the film's only strength. There's some gore, but it's poorly done, but lower your expectations and it ain't so bad.
TRAILER
16. I Walked with a Zombie
Director: Jacques Tourneur
Year: 1943
Country: USA
An early zombie movie, this is classic Val Lewton. It's about a young nurse who travels to the West Indies and gets just a little more than she bargained for. Like all of the pre-Romero zombie films, this isn't your typical blood soaked, guts ripped out zombie movie, it's *gasp* story-driven. You won't get your kicks here if you cut your teeth on Deodatto and have strictly got a hard on for dismemberment, but, it's really a thoughtful and very atmospheric little piece.
TRAILER
15. Dead & Breakfast
Director: Matthew Leutwyler
Year: 2004
Country: USA
This is the newest film (chronologically) to make the list and it's pretty good. There are a ton of laughs, tons of blood, and a pretty nice soundtrack as well. Think of it is as a less "pop culture" version of Shaun of the Dead. It's still a self-reflexive film, and isn't as well written (or shot, or pretty much anything) as Shaun, but it's pretty solid. A really hot dyke (Portia de Rossi) and David Carradine star.
A SCENE FROM DEAD & BREAKFAST
14. The House by the Cemetery (AKA: Quella villa accanto al cimitero)
Director: Lucio Fulci
Year: 1981
Country: Italy
This is Fulci's first entry on the list (we'll be revisiting him soon enough, he's got four on here) and it's the last film in his "Gates of Hell" trilogy. And nobody but nobody likes this movie. Except me...and I'm a nobody. So, there's no plot and the acting is atrocious. Big deal! The man was a master of atmosphere and that's what this movie is...one big excuse to show some great shots and create an eerie mood, and I like it.
TRAILER
13. White Zombie
Director: Victor Halperin
Year: 1932
Country: USA
White Zombie is a really solid film, but really has to makes the list because it's considered to be the first zombie film. Sure, the zombies don't really follow the rules we know today (the Romero Zombie rules), but come on, this was 36 before NOTLD. And Bela! Bela! Bela! What I wouldn't give to have met Bela Lugosi. He's wonderful. He basically resurrects a bunch of corpses and makes them work in his factory. There's more to it then that, but you get the point. A pretty intense film, and a must-see for any zombi-file.
A SCENE FROM WHITE ZOMBIE
12. Let Sleeping Corpses Lie (AKA: The Living Dead in the Manchester Morgue, AKA: Non si deve profanare il sonno dei morti, Don't Open the Window )
Director: Jorge Grau
Year: 1974
Country: Spain/Italy
Let Sleeping Corpses Lie is pretty much your standard-fare zombie movie. There's a new experimental pesticide being tested out in the British countryside which, unbeknownst to the people spraying it, it is just the right concoction to resurrect the dead and blah blah blah. Yeah, not much new here, but it's surprisingly fun to watch and pretty well done. The tension is palpable in the film and it really draws you in.
TV SPOT
11. Shaun of the Dead
Director: Edgar Wright
Year: 2004
Country: UK/France
A very well done zombie comedy movie (zombedy?) in which the title character (your everyday average Joe, or Shaun as the case may be) has to become a zombie-whuppin' badass. A whole lotta laughs here and some great homage to many other zombie films.
TRAILER
10. City of the Living Dead) (AKA: The Gates of Hell)
Director: Lucio Fulci
Year: 1980
Country: Italy
Ah, City of the Living Dead. Another in a long line of Romero ripoffs, but a pretty good one. It's the first in Fulci's "Gates of Hell" trilogy and it involves a curse and all that standard Fulci stuff, but once again, the best part is the atmosphere. Well, that and the gore is really good. I mean, there's a chick that throws up her entrails! A lot of people seem to hate this one, too. I don't get that. I dig it.
ITALIAN TRAILIER
9. Dead Heat
Director: Mark Goldblatt
Year: 1988
Country: USA
Dead Heat is awesome. It stars Treat Williams and a jacked-up Joe Piscopo...no, stay with me here, it really is good. Anyway, it's your average buddy cop movie, only problem is one of the cops is dead! AH! Who woulda thunk it? Well, alright, he doesn't start off dead, but he dies pretty quick (in a decompression chamber, no less!) but is shortly thereafter resurrected. Catch is, he's only got a limited amount of time to catch his killer before he completely rots away! It really is a solid action/zombie/comedy. And it co-stars the late great Darren McGavin. Look for the cameo of my personal hero, Vincent EFFING Price.
TRAILER
8. The Beyond (AKA: E tu vivrai nel terrore - L'aldilB)
Director: Lucio Fulci
Year: 1981
Country: Italy
The Beyond is widely considered Fulci's magnum opus. It's got all that atmosphere that's become a Fulci hallmark, plus a little something more. The Beyond is the second in Fulci's "Gates of Hell" trilogy and follows no real linear pattern. In fact, the only reason there are even zombies in the film is becaus Fulci's producers said that they wanted it to capitalize off the zombie phenomenon and so ol' Lucio wrote in some zombies. If you watch, you'll see they are a little out of place. It's a very nihilistic movie about this chick from New York that inherits an old hotel in Louisiana. Only problem is this particular hotel rests atop one of the SEVEN GATEWAYS OF HELL (read that in a rising, Vincent Price type voice). Lovecraft fans, keep a watchful eye out for the Lovecraftian themes that permeate the picture. In my readings for my research paper over the Dark Prince of Providence, I learned that Fulci was a rabid fan of our favorite mama's boy!
TRAILER
7. The Return of the Living Dead
Director: Dan O'Bannon
Year: 1985
Country: USA
Dan O'Bannon (writer of Aliens) was approached by the money-hungry tool John A. Russo to make a sequel to Night of the Living Dead at the same time that George Romero was working on his own sequel (Dawn) to it. Now, Russo was one of the writers on Night, but he and Georgie-boy had different ideas on a sequel and Russo wanted to go ahead and make it himself. O'Bannon read the script, but decided he didn't want to impede Romero so he passed on the script until the early eighties when he re-wrote the script as a comedy and viola! Return of the Living Dead. It's a great and hilarious zombie movie that satires all the precedents set by Romero. Plus it's got Linnea Quigley nekkid!
TRAILER
6. Day of the Dead
Director: George A. Romero
Year: 1985
Country: USA
This is the third film in Romero's Dead trilogy (damn, I guess it's not really a trilogy anymore, is it?). It's a great film that carries on all the classic Romero themes and allegory and probably has the best gore in the series (thank you Greg Nicotero and Tom Savini).
JAPANESE TRAILER
5. Zombi 2 (AKA: Zombie, AKA: Zombie Flesh Eaters)
Director: Lucio Fulci
Year: 1979
Country: Italy
Alright. Zombi 2 has a pretty interesting story. Dawn of the Dead, in 1978, was released in Italy under the title Zombie. Now, Zombie (Dawn) was a smash hit and the Italians began to devise ways to capitalize on this. And what better way to do that than to market a completely unrelated movie as the sequel to Zombie(Dawn)? And that's just what they did. So, Fulci's film became known as Zombi 2. As despicable as that is, Fulci's film is absolutely the best of the many (and usually shitty) Romero rip-offs. It's actually really good. And there's a really great eye-gouging scene.
GERMAN TRAILER
4. Re-Animator
Director: Stuart Gordon
Year: 1985
Country: USA
Stuart Gordon is another big Lovecraft fan. In fact, he's brought four pieces of Lovecraft work to the screen so far, and doesn't seem to want to slow down. Re-Animator is the first and best of these four and stars the amazingly deadpan Jeffery Combs as the devious med student who takes it upon himself to devise a way to resurrect the dead, Herbert West. It's a wickedly dark comedy with tons of grue and great sight gags. Re-Animator never gets old. Highly recommend!
TRAILER
3. Dellamorte Dellamore (AKA: Cemetery Man)
Director: Michele Soavi
Year: 1994
Country: Italy/France/Germany
In 1994 Dario Argento's protege, Michele Soavi, brought to life a film quite unlike any I'd ever seen before. That film was Dellamorte Dellamore (literally translated Of Love, Of Death) which was marketed in America under the ridiculous and absolutely inept title of Cemetery Man. It's such an original entry into the zombie movie catalog, that I'm not even sure what genre you would classify it as. It's an existentialist zombie movie (how's that?) that stars Rupert Everett as a cemetery caretaker who gets himself involved in some pretty weird shit. The tagline is "Zombies, guns, and sex, OH MY!!!" and all that stuff is there, but that doesn't begin to touch this film. We'll leave the plot synopsis at that, but let me just tell you that this film is amazing. The "cemetery man" is based on a secondary character in the popular Italian comic book Dylan Dog. Now, what's weird about that is in the eighties, the creator of said comic book based the look of Dylan on Rupert Everett. Hmm. WATCH IT!
TRAILER
2. Dawn of the Dead
Director: George A. Romero
Year: 1978
Country: USA
Dawn of the Dead. It's the maturation of the social critique that Romero began in Night. You could write a book on the themes that Romero uses in this film. It's superb. And I don't want to hear "but the zombies are blue!". Shuttup. The zombies are great. The over-saturated colors of the blood and the zombies makes for a surreal nightmare of epic proportions. If I get to typing a whole lot here, I won't be able to stop so we'll just say that the movie is brilliant.
TRAILER
1. Night of the Living Dead
Director: George A. Romero
Year: 1968
Country: USA
I shouldn't have to say anything about this one. Let's just say if you haven't seen it go watch it so we can still be friends.
TRAILER
- Jordan M.
Commerce, TX
Saturday, September 8, 2007
Clip(s) of the Week
Movie Trailers!
You're in for a treat! Instead of just one clip of the week, you're gonna get a slew of 'em. What follows are trailers for some upcoming movies that look promising.
THE MIST
NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN
THERE WILL BE BLOOD
BE KIND REWIND
MARGOT AT THE WEDDING
EASTERN PROMISES
-Jordan M.
Commerce, TX
You're in for a treat! Instead of just one clip of the week, you're gonna get a slew of 'em. What follows are trailers for some upcoming movies that look promising.
THE MIST
NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN
THERE WILL BE BLOOD
BE KIND REWIND
MARGOT AT THE WEDDING
EASTERN PROMISES
-Jordan M.
Commerce, TX
Sunday, September 2, 2007
Top Ten List of the Week
Top Ten Robots Ever
Everyone loves robots! Be they the type that are made to serve you, or the type made to eviscerate you, robots are cool. And they've been staples in fiction for years and years now. So, here are my top ten robots...ever:
10. Johnny 5 - You remember this little bastard from Short Circuit 1 and 2. I haven't seen the movies in years, but them when I was a kid. I'm sure they still hold up (um-hm).
9. Robby the Robot - Robby is the robot that belongs to Mobius in the seminal sci-fi film Forbidden Planet. He was also used in a number of other films and TV shows through-out the 1950's and 1960's. He's probably the coolest looking robot ever.
8. The Iron Giant - The Iron Giant is the titular character from the 1999 animated movie. Oft overlooked, The Iron Giant is a really good movie. Check it out. Su-per-man.
7. BATs- These Battle Android Troopers were the robotic minions of Cobra, a ruthless, terrorist organizaion built on world conquest. They were pretty easy to kill, but the toys were especially cool because you could switch out their hands for various weapons (blow torch, anyone?).
6. Krang's Robot Body (Exosuit) - Krang is an evil warlord from Dimension X that appears in the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cartoon series. He had a couple of different ways to get around, but the absolute coolest was his exosuit. Look at that thing! Awesome. Plus the toy was amazing. Something like 12" tall. Oh, and somebody plllease, get this T-shirt made!
5. ED-209 - Enforcement Droid Series 209 is the beast of a robot from RoboCop that serves as the only true competition for RoboCop. Its arms are giant machine guns!
4. IG-88 - A robot bounty hunter that was hired by the Evil Galactic Empire to search out the Millenium Falcon in The Empire Strikes Back, IG-88 didn't get very much screen time. This travesty has been rectified in numerous novels in which he is declared the "second greatest bounty hunter in the universe" (after Boba Fett).
3. Gort - Klaatu barada nikto! Built from a single piece of flexible metal, Gort is a robot that could destroy the world if he wanted to. If you aren't familiar with him, check out The Day the Earth Stood Still before the remake comes out.
2. Optimus Prime - No, Michael Bay did not create Optimus Prime. Before that movie, there was a weekly cartoon dedicated to Optimus Prime and his crew of Autobots. Plus, come on, he's one of the coolest toys ever.
1.T-101 - This was the model number of the Terminator that Ahnold brought to life in T2. His CPU is a neural net processor; a learning computer. Anyway, I can only think of a scant few sci-fi films that have a better mythos than the world of The Terminator, and the T-101 was one of the coolest heroes ever.
- Jordan M.
Commerce, TX
Everyone loves robots! Be they the type that are made to serve you, or the type made to eviscerate you, robots are cool. And they've been staples in fiction for years and years now. So, here are my top ten robots...ever:
10. Johnny 5 - You remember this little bastard from Short Circuit 1 and 2. I haven't seen the movies in years, but them when I was a kid. I'm sure they still hold up (um-hm).
9. Robby the Robot - Robby is the robot that belongs to Mobius in the seminal sci-fi film Forbidden Planet. He was also used in a number of other films and TV shows through-out the 1950's and 1960's. He's probably the coolest looking robot ever.
8. The Iron Giant - The Iron Giant is the titular character from the 1999 animated movie. Oft overlooked, The Iron Giant is a really good movie. Check it out. Su-per-man.
7. BATs- These Battle Android Troopers were the robotic minions of Cobra, a ruthless, terrorist organizaion built on world conquest. They were pretty easy to kill, but the toys were especially cool because you could switch out their hands for various weapons (blow torch, anyone?).
6. Krang's Robot Body (Exosuit) - Krang is an evil warlord from Dimension X that appears in the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cartoon series. He had a couple of different ways to get around, but the absolute coolest was his exosuit. Look at that thing! Awesome. Plus the toy was amazing. Something like 12" tall. Oh, and somebody plllease, get this T-shirt made!
5. ED-209 - Enforcement Droid Series 209 is the beast of a robot from RoboCop that serves as the only true competition for RoboCop. Its arms are giant machine guns!
4. IG-88 - A robot bounty hunter that was hired by the Evil Galactic Empire to search out the Millenium Falcon in The Empire Strikes Back, IG-88 didn't get very much screen time. This travesty has been rectified in numerous novels in which he is declared the "second greatest bounty hunter in the universe" (after Boba Fett).
3. Gort - Klaatu barada nikto! Built from a single piece of flexible metal, Gort is a robot that could destroy the world if he wanted to. If you aren't familiar with him, check out The Day the Earth Stood Still before the remake comes out.
2. Optimus Prime - No, Michael Bay did not create Optimus Prime. Before that movie, there was a weekly cartoon dedicated to Optimus Prime and his crew of Autobots. Plus, come on, he's one of the coolest toys ever.
1.T-101 - This was the model number of the Terminator that Ahnold brought to life in T2. His CPU is a neural net processor; a learning computer. Anyway, I can only think of a scant few sci-fi films that have a better mythos than the world of The Terminator, and the T-101 was one of the coolest heroes ever.
- Jordan M.
Commerce, TX
Saturday, September 1, 2007
Halloweak
Movie Review: Halloween (2007)
Knowing full well that the movie was going to be an abomination, I forced myself to go see Rob Zombies...ermm..."re-imagining"...of John Carpenter's masterpiece, Halloween. First off, I should preface by saying the original is in my top five films of all time. That said, Zombie's version is no film. It is a movie.
The first act of the movie is an absolute trainwreck. In it, we get to witness Michael Myer's rough childhood, which leads to him being a vicious (and 7 foot tall!) killer. We start off with a young Michael murdering a rat and his step-father (who's a real dick, man!) spouting off the most tepid bits of dialogue you've ever heard. Zombie is still under the impression that watching people in poor, white trash homes is scary. And we realize once and for all that Mrs. Zombie (who plays Michael's mother) cannot act. The first twenty minutes of the film were met with laughter from the audience at the screening I went to. Not a good sign for a film that should be played straight. Eventually the young (and really un-threatening looking) Michael kills not only his sister Judith and her boyfriend, but also the a-hole step-father.
After this twenty minutes of crap, we get another twenty minutes of crap. Only now, Michael is put in Smith's Grove Sanitarium. It's here that he is actually be-friended by Danny Trejo and Malcom McDowell's Dr. Sam Loomis. It's very hard for me to see Loomis played by anyone other than Donald Pleasence (rest in peace), so I may be biased, but McDowell is atrocious. There is actually a scene in which Michael asks Loomis (a Brit) why he "talks so funny"! Just what I always wanted to see! In Carpenter's film (which is damn nigh perfect) Michael is a faceless, super-human killer. So much so, that the credits just list him as "The Shape". In Zombie's version, he's a stupid little kid wearing a KISS t-shirt that grows up to be a giant. Zombie actually tries to get us to sympathize with the character. I just don't understand.
The last bit of the film, which seems rushed, is without tension. It is, however, a total departure from the first part of the film (in which Zombie might have been winking at the audience a little) as it is played with brutality. It's all Michael killing the teenagers with extreme prejudice. Where as this is the majority of the original film (and filmed with great atmosphere and tension), it is about 40 minutes of Zombie's version. Here zombie changes the geography of the original and kills the PJ Soles character in the Myers house! Oh! Good thinking, Rob, that really warrants a remake. The best stuff here is lifted directly from the orginal (Paul's murder, etc.).
I guess the worst part of the whole thing is that it's devoid of the nuances that make the original great. Carpenter knew how to shoot a movie, Zombie does not. It's that simple, really. There are some things that are interesting in the film, like that Tommy Doyle is watching The Thing From Another World on TV (which he does in the original) and the inclusion of the songs "Don't Fear the Reaper" and "Mr. Sandman", which were both in the original. And, of course, Zombie includes a bunch of genre mainstays like Ken Foree, Bill Moseley, and Sid Haig (basically the entire Firefly family from Zombie's previous films are in the cast here).
The good points? There are a couple of pretty interesting kills that will hold your interest for a few minutes at a time, but these are offset by everything else in this shit-fest. I guess that the absolute best thing about this travesty is the chick that plays Annie is none other than Danielle Harris (she was the little girl that starred in Halloween 4 and 5). She's really hot now. Trust me. That and Carpenter's original score is still, for the most part, in tact.
Let's be honest though, this thing was damned out the gate. I can't think of a more ill-advised (genre) film to remake. And, sadly enough, Zombie didn't fail me.
2/10
- Jordan M.
Commerce, TX
Knowing full well that the movie was going to be an abomination, I forced myself to go see Rob Zombies...ermm..."re-imagining"...of John Carpenter's masterpiece, Halloween. First off, I should preface by saying the original is in my top five films of all time. That said, Zombie's version is no film. It is a movie.
The first act of the movie is an absolute trainwreck. In it, we get to witness Michael Myer's rough childhood, which leads to him being a vicious (and 7 foot tall!) killer. We start off with a young Michael murdering a rat and his step-father (who's a real dick, man!) spouting off the most tepid bits of dialogue you've ever heard. Zombie is still under the impression that watching people in poor, white trash homes is scary. And we realize once and for all that Mrs. Zombie (who plays Michael's mother) cannot act. The first twenty minutes of the film were met with laughter from the audience at the screening I went to. Not a good sign for a film that should be played straight. Eventually the young (and really un-threatening looking) Michael kills not only his sister Judith and her boyfriend, but also the a-hole step-father.
After this twenty minutes of crap, we get another twenty minutes of crap. Only now, Michael is put in Smith's Grove Sanitarium. It's here that he is actually be-friended by Danny Trejo and Malcom McDowell's Dr. Sam Loomis. It's very hard for me to see Loomis played by anyone other than Donald Pleasence (rest in peace), so I may be biased, but McDowell is atrocious. There is actually a scene in which Michael asks Loomis (a Brit) why he "talks so funny"! Just what I always wanted to see! In Carpenter's film (which is damn nigh perfect) Michael is a faceless, super-human killer. So much so, that the credits just list him as "The Shape". In Zombie's version, he's a stupid little kid wearing a KISS t-shirt that grows up to be a giant. Zombie actually tries to get us to sympathize with the character. I just don't understand.
The last bit of the film, which seems rushed, is without tension. It is, however, a total departure from the first part of the film (in which Zombie might have been winking at the audience a little) as it is played with brutality. It's all Michael killing the teenagers with extreme prejudice. Where as this is the majority of the original film (and filmed with great atmosphere and tension), it is about 40 minutes of Zombie's version. Here zombie changes the geography of the original and kills the PJ Soles character in the Myers house! Oh! Good thinking, Rob, that really warrants a remake. The best stuff here is lifted directly from the orginal (Paul's murder, etc.).
I guess the worst part of the whole thing is that it's devoid of the nuances that make the original great. Carpenter knew how to shoot a movie, Zombie does not. It's that simple, really. There are some things that are interesting in the film, like that Tommy Doyle is watching The Thing From Another World on TV (which he does in the original) and the inclusion of the songs "Don't Fear the Reaper" and "Mr. Sandman", which were both in the original. And, of course, Zombie includes a bunch of genre mainstays like Ken Foree, Bill Moseley, and Sid Haig (basically the entire Firefly family from Zombie's previous films are in the cast here).
The good points? There are a couple of pretty interesting kills that will hold your interest for a few minutes at a time, but these are offset by everything else in this shit-fest. I guess that the absolute best thing about this travesty is the chick that plays Annie is none other than Danielle Harris (she was the little girl that starred in Halloween 4 and 5). She's really hot now. Trust me. That and Carpenter's original score is still, for the most part, in tact.
Let's be honest though, this thing was damned out the gate. I can't think of a more ill-advised (genre) film to remake. And, sadly enough, Zombie didn't fail me.
2/10
- Jordan M.
Commerce, TX
Clip of the Week
Martin Scorsese's The Big Shave
So, you've seen Goodfellas and Raging Bull. Ever see The Big Shave? This is an anti-Vietnam short directed by Marty Scorsese in 1967.
- Jordan M.
Commerce, TX
So, you've seen Goodfellas and Raging Bull. Ever see The Big Shave? This is an anti-Vietnam short directed by Marty Scorsese in 1967.
- Jordan M.
Commerce, TX
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